The Music or the Misery (Book 2)

If They Knew How Misery Loved Me

                    

By morning, I no longer cared about what my father had said. It felt incredible good to make the decision to text Patrick a reply without feeling as if I was doing something wrong.

When we were a couple, I always had to be careful when I contacted him, in case the wrong person saw what I was saying and found out about our secret relationship. Now though, I don't have anyone to hide from. I know we're not a couple but it still makes me feel good when I don't have to look over my shoulder. I could even tell my father that I've been seeing him if really wanted to and he couldn't do a thing. Still, I'm afraid of my father's wrath.

So, I text Patrick and let him know that I did play and I loved every second. When he replies and tells me how happy he is, my mind brings up the last night I saw him. Just like it does every time I think of him. I think of everything he said to me that night and how sincere he was. I find myself wanting to believe him. The desire never goes away.

Although, when I wonder about us being a couple again, I also remember how much I was hurting and how much I still hurt when I really think about everything. He takes away my pain but he could always bring it back.

It seems that I never get to escape thoughts of him. Mainly because I simple can't resist and other times when triggered by old ladies asking intrusive questions.

That old lady is Liz, who tries to get me to reveal my current state of emotion at work. I like her a lot but she can be nosey.

"I haven't seen that young man in here for a while" Liz says casually, hovering around me, not so subtlety.

"You've been watching for him huh?" I ask, hiding my smile. She looks taken a back, as if she wasn't expecting me to call her out.

"You know, I just notice things" she mumbles and I raise my eyebrows at her.

"What do you think of him Liz?" I ask her, watching her squirm a little. Maybe she enjoys the eye candy as much as I do. It's amusing to see her, trying to get information from me.

"He seems nice enough. Nice for you?" She questions, flipping things on me.

"Hmmm, I don't know about that" I tell her and now it's her turn to raise her eyebrows at me.

"It's so obvious that you like him" she continues and I wonder what she means. I think she's only seen us interact once and not for long either.

"How would you know that? I ask, curious.

"Like I said, I just notice things" she repeats and I squint at her, trying to figure out what her deal is. Everyone seems to notice how much I 'like' him. Or how much we belong together. While I refuse to even think about the L word because it just confuses me too much.

"Right, well he's not here anymore. So, I guess that it's irrelevant whether I like him or not" I tell her. I'm not sure when or if I'll get to see him again but I know that I want to. The feeling I get when he's with me has long gone, due to his distant. I miss him a lot. She doesn't need to know that though.

"Here or not, the world will find a way to get you both back together" she says and I just shake my head at her crazy talk. I don't think the world has anything to do with it.

I guess if we are meant to be together, it will work out one day.

***

Riddly and I catch up with Sophie and Ollie during the week, deciding to go for a meal and get up to date with any new gossip. I realize that I might be the one with the most to tell but that doesn't mean I'm going to. Riddly doesn't say much about Pete either, opting to just say that she likes someone. I think she's afraid to say too much in case nothing ever happens between them and I understand her reasons for not making it a big deal. The more people that know about your feelings, the harder it is to forget when those feelings don't stick.