A/N I hate myself so much I haven't updated in so long. I was at summer camp I apologize don't hurt me. but now I'm back my crackers.
Phil p.o.v
I haven't eaten in days I don't even want food anymore I feel so numb and depressed.
Dan has been knocking on my door so many times but I just don't answer. Sometimes he will walk in and sit at the foot of my bed. He won't speak he will just stand there and look at me expecting me to say something. I never do.
He will eventually either walk out or hold me until I fall asleep. Hes been the most amazing friend through all of this I just haven't spoken, eaten, or really felt anything for weeks.
Dan makes me food and leaves it outside but I never get it. Sometimes I'll hear him crying in his room. I want to go to him and hug him and hold him but I can't I feel horrible and sad and like a bad friend.
He loves me but I dont love him back. At least I think I don't. I want to hold him and kiss him-- NOO he's my friend can't do that.
Why all of a sudden am I attacked with gay thoughts?
Dan is my best friend. He has saved my life and pulled me out of things I could never ever save myself from. He has given me happiness and love when I had none. And I can't repay him. I am such a terrible person and my life no longer has meaning without Elise.
She gave me a reason to smile and laugh. She made me feel happy and good. I still miss her so much I can't do it anymore. I have to get better though for Dan.
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I decided I had to set myself right. I was going to eat. I need food I cant just starve myself and expect to get any better or feel any happier. I need to be strong if I want to be healed.
I stood up and walked to my door. I opened it and there sat dan.
Dan was just sitting there and as soon as he saw me he bolted up.
He looked at me sadly but tenderly. He looked so worried and tired.
He slowly walked up to me in silence. He took my hands and pulled me into a slow soft hug.
"I'm sorry" were the only words I could get out of my mouth.
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Dan was helping me get better. He picked me up and carried me to the couch after I came out of my room for the first time.
He made me food and sat down next to me staring intently.
Words were not able to leave my lips. I had not used my voice in weeks I couldn't say anything.
He seemed to understand this and sat in silence trying to feed me.
When I finally gave in I took a small bite and swallowed as best I could.
I took another bite.
Suddenly a wave of sickness rushed over me. I ran to the toilet and spilled my guts into the bowl.
Dan just sat there rubbing my back whispering that everything was going to be ok and that I was going to be fine.
I stood up and brushed my teeth when he ran into the room with some shorts and told me to put them on.
I obeyed cause really I just wanted to shrivel up and die right now but he was helping me so I should listen.
He left the room and i got dressed into the shorts.
He then ran a bath and told me to get in. He actually bathed me. He is the best friend I have ever had in my life.
No one would ever do such a kind thing for me. But he loves me and i really want to love him back.
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Dan p.o.v
It's been 2 months now and Phil is almost fully back.
He smiles again and hes happy again. He still dosent love me like I love him but I understand that, he lost the love of his life for God's sake. Why am I being so selfish?
Ive been renewing him and making him strong again. He seems to be a lot happier.
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(Fluffy fluff fluff fluff fluff btw so you can fangirl now)
I woke up with Phil beside me cradled in my arms smiling in his sleep.
He stayed in my bed last night In a friendly way. We've been doing that ever since I started to get him better.
He was snoring quietly and I just stared at him and kissed his forehead.
His eyes fluttered open and he looked at me with those big ocean blue orbs and smiled brightly.
"Why'd you kiss my forehead dan"
"I dont know you just looked very sweet laying there smiling in your sleep"
"That's the creepiest thing I've ever heard in my life. But what am I saying when ever we would Skype and you would fall asleep I would watch you for about an hour until I fell asleep myself"
"That's really weird Phil but ok."
We laughed and just looked at each other for a moment taking in every aspect about each other and smiling.
Our faces were inches apart and we looked at each other breathing the same air.
I resisted the urge to close the space between us and kiss him with everything in me.
I just hugged him. I buried my face in the crook of his neck and he ran his hands through my curly hobbit hair.
We sat there for what seemed like forever until he pulled away and said as i expected,
"So Dan what about pancakes?"
A/N just a small bit of sweet fluff in this chapter because why not I like to murder people. I apologize for my actions my crackers but I thought it was quite sweet idk about you. Goodbye my sweet crackers. Love you❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
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She | Phan
FanfictionI love him and I told him. But he didn't love me back. Phil Lester the love of my life didn't see me as more than a best friend. And soon she came into the picture and things got worse. Accidents happened and he lost her I figured we could go back...
