candy striper :: l.h.

hey, it's brielle. let's talk.

hey, it's brielle. let's talk.

(this isn't an update, i'm sorry. i can promise you that there is indeed one coming soon, though!)

i wanted to use this story as a platform to kind of just communicate with you guys and talk to you - i have a story that i want to tell you all. 

tonight was my sounds life feels live concert, and i cannot even fathom into words how fucking insane it was - forget drugs and alcohol, THIS CONCERT was my high. SEEING THESE BOYS IN CONCERT is my high. THESE BOYS are my high.

despite all of the shitty ass drama that happens in our fandom, despite every time i feel myself growing disappointed in one of the boys for a decision they've made or something they've done or said, seeing them makes me completely forget. seeing them makes me remember who they truly are at heart, underneath all of the mistakes that they've humanly made. seeing them makes me remember why i've fallen so in love - the music. the fucking music is indescribable, you guys. especially in concert. 

their music is my high.

the camden concert that i went to was held in a pretty unwelcoming area, if i do say so myself. there were burnt-down and boarded-up buildings everywhere, no leaves on trees despite it being summer, graffiti plastered everywhere you looked - it was overall just kind of unsettling, and if i had lived in that area growing up, there's no way i would've felt safe. however, being in that venue with our boys, beyond the security team (who all did an amazing job at watching over us, huge thank you to them), the guys all did such a fucking outstanding job at making sure that we all felt safe and at-home and protected from everything outside that could hurt us, and they made sure that we were focused on the music and having a good time all night instead of any of the problems we were facing outside of the venue. i'm smiling just writing about and reminiscing his. 

last year at my rowyso concert, i surprisingly didn't shed one tear. sounds live feels live, however, was the exact opposite. 

i BAWLED, you guys. DEAD-SERIOUS. NO JOKE. I BAWLED. I UGLY CRIED.

i started to tear up seeing how many fan projects the family put together. during jet black heart, people rose papers saying things like "i am insecure" "i am rejected" "i am an outcast" "i am enough" in the air and waved them around, sharing some of the things that made them different, yet they were proud of, with the family and the boys. during outer space, people rose papers saying "HAPPY BIRTHDAY LUKE, THE 5SOSFAM LOVES YOU" as well as tossed balloons in the air and onto the stage - at the end, michael giggled and told us he "loved our balloons. get it? your balloons?". during amnesia, people rose different-colored hearts with the boys' names on it as well as flashlights, creating an entire galaxy of stars inside of the venue. at the end of the concert during she looks so perfect, we tossed around a ton of gigantic balloons around in honor of luke's 20th again. 

listen. people can talk shit about our fandom, our family, all they want. they can call us annoying, obsessive, deranged, whatever. fuck them. what i experienced tonight PROVED to me just how fucking beautiful our family is. we all love each other, at the end of the day. we all love our boys. the fact that we were all able to come together and work as a family to pull together these projects in honor of luke, cal, ash, and mike? that's beautiful. that's fucking magical. being in the 5sosfam is magical. 

i love you guys. i love our family. 

i definitely teared up watching all of those acts, but it was during jet black heart that i actually started to bawl and ugly cry. we all know how mike starts jbh off, yes? about fifteen seconds into singing the first verse, he completely stopped and dropped his guitar to just look at us. he looked around at the venue, he looked out at us, and just stared. while we screamed his name, voices on top of voices trying to tell him that we loved him, he stared at us for a good five minutes. he had this huge ass smile on and this look on his face that words won't even do justice at describing - it was a "holy-fucking-shit-i-actually-made-it" kind of look. he was looking at all of us with so much love and passion and awe, and he kept shaking his head like he couldn't believe it. like he thought we were unbelievable - i can't even begin to describe to you all how his face looked. he looked so proud of himself and his band and he looked amazed, like he could't believe we were real. if you want to look up a video of jet black heart in camden, i recommend you do, because never have i ever seen michael in a state that raw and real - it was my favorite moment of the night aside from his balloon joke and when we sang happy birthday to luke. 

there are different ways to say 'i love you' - from the way that mike was looking at us, i could tell exactly what he was trying to say. 

also, arzaylea and crystal were sitting right behind me.

i have my own thoughts on these girls just like i'm sure you all do as well, but i just want to say something - if you're going to one of the boys' concerts, and you see someone that you do not particularly like/admire, do not fucking give them justice, hunty. do not let them ruin YOUR concert, YOUR time to spend with the boys. even if you aren't attending one of the concerts, take this as a general statement - don't let someone you don't like ruin everything for you. you should be there for the boys and the music and yourself, not for the people they associate themselves with. don't let people you don't like drag your attention away from the boys, don't let them ruin your time. focus on the music, spend time jamming out! if you're going to a concert, have fun. go crazy, go wild, let yourself loose! don't let anyone ruin your time/stop you. you're there for two-three hours max, don't waste a minute of it. it all goes by within the blink of an eye.

tonight was beautiful. tonight was a night where my love only grew for the family, for the boys, and for the music. it was ten times better than rowyso, and that's what i love so much about this band - they only grow. they only get better. 

i wanted to take a little time to share some of the magic that happened tonight with you guys, and i hope that if you're planning on going to one of their concerts, you enjoy yourself! stay hydrated and safe, bring over forty dollars if you're looking to buy any merch, make sure you're spending time off of your phone to actually experience the concert rather than recording it entirely, respect the security, respect the fam, have fun :-)

and of couuuurse, happy 20th birthday to my favorite lanky-legged blonde! there's not even a scrabble word to describe how much i love you.

and i love you guys, i love our family.

updates are coming soon :-)

so, so much love,

brielle.