A Moment Too Soon (Yaoi boyxboy)

Nowaki

When his hand clasped mine, I froze for a brief second. He was giving me a small smile, obviously a bit shy. He seemed...innocent, I guess I could say. His hand was smaller than mine, but his grip wasn't weak...he looked gentle, a lot like Kida was. They were nowhere near the same when it came to looks, but he had that same pure feeling to him, and he was around the same height.

It suddenly became painful to look at him, and I pulled my hand away, fighting away the threat of tears. I wished he had been taller and more hyper like my other friends. Then I wouldn't have to be reminded of Kida just by looking at him. He continued to look at me, even after I had turned away. I didn't glance back at him as I spoke.

"Well...I'm going to class." I said to the others.

"But we still have ten minutes. Why don't we enjoy our last few moments of freedom?" Aiden Joked. Unfortunately, I wasn't in the mood for it, and I began to walk away.

"I'll just see you guys later." I realized I probably sounded like a jerk, and was acting like one, but I couldn't help it. I just wanted to get inside and sit down. I looked at the ground as I entered the school. Once inside, I searched around and eventually found the new classroom I would be in. I was glad I wouldn't have to go back to the old room. It would probably hurt to be stuck in room where Kida's desk would belong to somebody else.

I forced my attention away from the thought of him when I noticed my eyes were welling with tears again. I couldn't think about that...I had to focus on what was happening now. This was a new classroom, a new teacher, new students...it was all a fresh start this year. I could handle it easily. It was time for a change anyways, right? Sitting in my room all cooped up for the entire summer break sucked compared to this. This way, things were normal.

...and yet, when we were only an hour later into class, and I found myself with my head on the desk. I was unmotivated, and unwilling to take any part in class, just like before. I wanted to go home and be alone. The freedom of choosing to be by myself was what I depended on all summer. I had forgotten how hard it actually was to be surrounded by people when all I wanted was separation. Suddenly, the teacher called me out.

"Hey, kid with the head on his desk." He hadn't learned our names yet, so he would probably be calling us stuff like that for a couple of days. I lifted my head and sat up, looking at him. He gave me a stern look as he spoke. "You had all summer to sleep. Don't do it here."

"I'm sorry..." I muttered as I propped my head up with my hand and looked away. I hadn't even been sleeping, but I didn't feel like arguing. Some kids in the room were staring at me, but I didn't care. It wasn't hard to tune their looks out. I wished I was able to tune their entire presence out, but I would just have to wait until lunch for that.

It felt like class never ended, though, and I kept having to stop myself from just putting my head on my desk and sleeping. The first day was always so boring, and my friends were all sitting kind of apart from me, so I couldn't really talk to any of them. Like it mattered anyways...even if they were sitting closer I most likely wouldn't speak to them. I wanted to, but when it came to actually doing it, I just felt tired and irritated.

I wondered how Kida managed to go every day without even having someone to talk to...it must have been much worse than what I was dealing with. At least I had people I could go to. I tried to be someone for Kida to go to...I tried really hard. I jut didn't want to see his face so pained all the time...but I guess it just wasn't enough.

"Nowaki, what are you doing?" Elisa tapped my shoulder, and I snapped back into reality to find tears falling from my eyes, and my fists clenched so tightly that my nails were digging into my skin. I stopped clenching them and observed my hands. There was no blood, so that was a relief. I hadn't been sobbing, either...just silent tears. I noticed that everyone else was gone except my friends. They were standing by the door, waiting. Elisa and her cousin, Yuuichi were standing near me. 

"I don't...know." I wiped my tears with my hands and then stood up, gathering my things. They watched me as I pulled my bag over my shoulder.

"Well, let's go have lunch." Elisa smiled at me.

"...yeah." I replied tiredly.