Beside You- A Johnlock Fanfiction (BBC Sherlock) *UNDER HEAVY EDITING*

Chapter Eighteen- What I Never Thought I'd Have

You say you’re not special because the world doesn’t know about you, but that’s an insult to me. I know you.

 

-          John Green, The Fault in Our Stars (A/N- WHICH I NOW OWN A MOTHER-TRUCKING SIGNED LIMITED EDITION OF! *Ahem* Sorry.)

 

(A/N- So this chapter is um… different. Pretty weird at some parts, actually. The first part starts off rather emotionally, I should probably warn you, because that’s what authors do, don’t they? Leave a note?)

Sherlock

“Come here, boy, before I make you.”

“Please… I didn’t know.”

“I said COME HERE. NOW.”

“Please. Please,” I’m crying now, and pleading in a scream I know that nobody else can hear grabs my arm and moves me closer, looming over me. I try to back away, but I end up in the dark corner of my room.

“How many times do I have to tell you, I don’t give second chances?”

“No, no, PLEASE! NO! MUM! MYCROFT! SOMEBODY HELP! PLEASE!”

Pain erupts through my body and I feel a shriek explode from my lips.

“Sherlock? Sherlock?”

I was awake, a bead of sweat trickling down my forehead and the lingering ache of the scream in my throat. It was only a flashback. Just a nightmare. It was gone- he was gone.

As my vision un-blurred and my senses returned, I felt a warm hand on my cheek and I looked up. John. I inhaled, my breathing heavy and my pulse racing.

“Sherlock… You’re safe now, you’re going to be alright,” John’s reassuring voice echoed in my ears. He pulled me gently into a hug. “It’s me, it’s just me. I won’t hurt you. Promise.”

I lifted my almost numb arms back around him limply. My vision was still slightly blurred, but it wasn’t waking up now, it was those bloody tears. “I won’t let anyone get to you. You’re completely and utterly safe,” he kept talking to me, coaxing me back into reality. I heard a whimper- I think it was coming from me.

“Who was it, love?” John asked, with sympathy for me but I could hear the rage in his voice that was ready for whoever had hurt me. I shook my head, squeezing my eyes shut to stop the tears. I couldn’t talk about it now. I needed to close it off.

“I can’t… I… I’m fine, John, don’t worry about me,” I told him.

“I can’t help but worry, you were thrashing and shrieking… Pleading like somebody was going to hurt you… You’re not okay. At least, you weren’t, and don’t just say you were,” his arms tightened around me, and I buried my head in his shoulder. Then he moved backwards a bit so that I could see his face.

“Are they getting worse?” His features were lit up by the glow of the sidelight.

“What?”

“The nightmares. The… flashbacks.”

I nodded my head and hung it downwards, biting my lip- they were getting more graphic, too detailed. I could feel the pain again because I remembered it.

“Please tell me… If you can…” he whispered. I shook my head.

“I can’t.” Not now, anyway.