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it was an hour later when dan felt the older boy shift slightly, his face nuzzling deeper into dan's neck and his grip tightening on his small waist. dan could feel phil's breathing regulating, phil's leg hooking over his and his dark hair tickling dan's cheek.

"you up?" dan's voice was soft and phil nodded slightly against his skin, enjoying the warmth that radiated off of the younger boy's body, inhaling the faint scent of raspberries that always seemed to take over the air whenever dan was around.

"what time is it?" phil mumbled in dan's neck, slightly pulling away to look at the his face and dan just reached forward, pushing the hair off phil's forehead before answering.

"around five," dan said, staring at the way phil's lips were a bit chapped, his cheeks flushed and his hair sticking to his forehead as he looked at him with sleepy eyes.

he really wanted to kiss phil.

"are you hungry?" phil asked, leaning into dan's touch, as his long fingers were still pushing back phil's hair, dan's warm eyes raking across his face in a way that made his insides churn.

"not really, are you?" the brunette boy asked, raising his eyebrows slightly and phil just shook his head, intaking the way dan looked at him with hooded eyelids, a soft glow on his skin and his plump bottom lip caught between his teeth.

phil proceeded to look away from dan, resting his head on dan's chest while he could, and reached forward, grabbing dan's hand and gently playing with his fingers. it seemed so long since he had appreciated the contrast between their skin tones, and how dan's fingers slotted perfectly between his.

dan was too overwhelmed with the feeling of lying down with phil like this, the way it was all so simple, feeling phil's chest rise and fall softly against his and the way phil's head rested on his chest after a long time. he was too invested in appreciating the uncomplicated way they were resting, to notice that phil's eyes were fixed on his hand, his eyebrows drawn together and his fingers tracing the nail marks littered across the back of his hand.

"dan?" phil's voice was strained, his eyes still fixed on the bruises as his thumb stalked over the soft skin. dan just hummed in response, his other hand busy twisting phil's dark hair between his fingers.

"what are those?" and dan finally tore his gaze from phil's face to see what he was talking about. his eyes widened slightly when he saw phil pressing the bruises, pulling his hand back and biting his lip harshly, turning his head the other way to avoid looking at phil.

"it's nothing," he quickly mumbled, beginning to get off the couch but phil stopped him, climbing on top of the younger boy and pressing his hands against his chest to keep him from getting up.

"why did you do that?" phil questioned softly, reaching up and pushing dan's hair off his forehead, but dan just shook his head, abruptly sitting up, causing phil to grip his shoulders and land in his lap.

"i-it just happened phil, get off me," dan shifted  in his position and phil just looked at him, his eyes wide with concern and his lips pursed. he hated the fact that dan wasn't telling him the cause of this, the painful marks on his body. he wanted to know what was bothering dan so he could make it okay but somewhere he knew, that him and his actions may have been the reason why this happened in the first place, and that made a whole new feeling of guilt and self hatred to brew inside phil's mind.

"i'm sorry," was all phil could say before he could feel the familiar lump in his throat. he did not want to cry in front of dan and make him see how the small act affected him so he simply leaned forward, wrapping his arms around the younger boy's neck for comfort. he could not digest the fact that he could have been the reason that dan had actual marks on his skin, and he couldn't stop comparing himself to dan's father.

he had hurt him just as much, if not physically then emotionally. he remembers how in their first argument dan mentioned that phil was similar to his father, and that time phil was heartbroken and confused to hear the information.

but now, as the red bruises flash behind his eyelids, phil had begun to think that maybe the comparison was true.

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