I Can't Live Without You (Ignazio Boschetto)

Part 10

~Three weeks later~

I walked into the hospital room and found Ignazio talking to the doctor. They stopped when they saw me entering the room.

"We can have this conversation later, doctor. Thank you," he said. The doctor nodded and walks out without saying any other word. He smiles to me on his way out but that was it.

"Hi, come here." He said signaling me to sit on the bed with him. I have to take him to the hospital last night because he was having a severe migraine attack. It was so bad he can't even move his head without vomiting. At first, he refused and insisted it'll go away after taking a painkiller, but he finally gave up after 8 pills in 24 hours without any improvement.

I walk closer and sit with him, "Feel better?" I asked and began to play with his messy hair. He nodded his head and smile, kissing my hand. We stay that way together for some minutes. I can see from his face that he was tired, but there was something off about him I don't understand.

"You're so quiet today," I said trying to get his attention. It works, he looks straight into my eyes as I begin to talk again, "The pain still there?"

"No, no. I'm fine." He said and put a smile on his face. I know he was faking it.

"We've been together for almost 6 months, Igna. I know when you're lying." I paused, looking around the room. "And you haven't even touched your food. What's going on?" he didn't answer me and instead close his eyes and continue biting his lips. I stay there for some times without saying any word, looking into his face the whole time

"Okay, you're clearly in pain. I'll go get the nurse to adjust the painkiller." Just when I about to go, he held my arm and stopped me.

"Please stay." He said. "I have something to tell you." He said without letting go of my hand. I sit back on the bed, ready to listen to what he was about to say. He took a deep breath and opens his eyes, looking at me with a guilty look.

"You know I love you, right? More than I love myself." He starts talking, with a deep Italian accent. "This whole migraine thing." he paused, taking a deep breath. "It's actually not a migraine. I've got cancer in my brain."

I didn't understand what he was saying so I just sit there, froze, without saying any words. It was like my brain has stopped working. I was dying to say something but I can't. I really can't.

"Tania? Are you okay? Please say something." I heard him, loud and clear but I just can't find the right words.

"This is one of your bad jokes, right, Igna?" I finally responded, letting go of my hand from him and start looking into his eyes, hoping to get the answer I was looking for. But he didn't say anything and close his eyes instead. "Damn it, Boschetto! Answer me! You're joking, right?" I start rising my voice.

"I wish, Tania. I wish. But unfortunately, I'm not. It is real." He explained. I can see tears in the corner of his eyes as he was trying hard not to cry.

Tears start coming from my eyes and wet my face. I can't hold it anymore. "They must be wrong. How can they come up with this diagnosis in one night? They are wrong!" I cover my face with my hand and began to sob. I can feel Ignazio's hand wrapped around my body, he hugs me trying to calm me down.

"I've been coming here these past months. They came out with the diagnosis last month, the day we went to the beach," he said softly to my ears as he hugs me. "I'm sorry Tania. I'm so sorry."

~5 Months Later~

Three cycles of chemo and I watch Ignazio started to lose himself each day. The chemo affects every aspect of his life. His hair started to fall but he refused to cut it. "I won't cut it. It was the reason you fall in love with me," he said that every time a question about his hair come up in our conversation.

Today was the 4th cycle and he fell asleep right after we got home. The doctor suggests hospitalization because he was so weak but he refused so I took him home instead. While he was asleep, Piero and Gianluca came to see us, they are a big help in times like this. Never a day without a phone call from them since the day they found out about Ignazio's condition. They really are brothers and I'm thankful for that.

I was preparing dinner for us when I heard sounds from the back door. I checked and found Ignazio sitting near the pool. "Hi," I said breaking the silence. "I'm preparing dinner for us."

"Don't," he said, looking at me. "I don't feel like eating. Just come here and sit with me."

I do what he said without arguing. We sit there without saying any words. He keeps holding my hand the entire time. His hand was freezing and the grip was weak. His face was so calm and peaceful, those beautiful brown eyes of him fixed to the water as he lost in his thoughts.

My vision was blurry as tears started to build up around my eyes. "You're cold. I'll go get some blanket." I tried to find a reason to go so he doesn't have to see me cry.

"I love you, Tania." he surprised me with a hug. I can't hold my tears anymore and started to sob on his shoulder. "Don't be sad. I'm still here." his words just make me cried even more.

I stopped crying after some minutes and he let go of his hug, holding me on my shoulders as he looks into my eyes. His cold hands gently wipe off the tears on my face and fixed my hair. "Will you sing something for me?" I asked him and he put a big smile on his face and starts singing Alleria.

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