The Badger And The Snake; Phan/Harry Potter AU

Twenty-Eight.

It was Friday.

The children were already used to the rhythm of school again, getting their sleeping schedules in check, (except for Dan, of course) and feeling more comfortable in their temporary home for the next nine months. Give or take.

Phil, especially, was trying his hardest to get over the primary scariness of the first week. Although he had been going to Hogwarts for the past six years and been wanting to go for the last sixteen, it was still terrifying. He was always worried about Dan. Always, no questions asked. Always worried Voldemort would rhythmically snap out of the shadows and whisk Dan away to slit his throat so the prophecy might not be fulfilled. He also had the pressure of keeping his grades up. Phil had been studying like insane for their N.E.W.Ts, even in the first week. ("No wonder they call them 'nasty,'" Dan had said. "I always feel like vomiting whenever I see your nose crammed in a book that's wider than your fists.") Martyn had been the Head Boy in his seventh year, and had gotten the top marks on all his exams. Phil had a lot to live up to. On top of all that, he had to deal with the constant Dumbledore's Army meetings. He loved them, honest, but it all too much to handle. All this talk about how the love of his life was wanted dead. They put prices on his boyfriend's head. And for what? A shit prophecy? It wasn't fair. Phil was exhausted.

He wanted to envelope Dan up in bubble wrap and keep him safe at all times. It would give Phil the chance to go and slice off Voldy's head. He also wanted coffee.

So he and Dan walked hand in hand to the Great Hall. There was a little sidebar that they had recently added, at Dan's bequest. It had all kinds of coffee. There were giant tubes that ran up to the ceiling, refilling themselves. Well, except for the decaf one. No one likes decaf. Seriously, what's the point? Who wants coffee without caffeine?!

Phil philled his mug with the regular kind, then struggled with the brand-new can of lactose-free milk that hadn't yet been opened by someone stronger than he.

"You're so adorable. Philip Lester, vs. plastic," said Dan. Phil tried to look angry, but cracked, giggling. "It's too bad you're not a wizard," continued Dan. "And worse there's no severing charm." The taller of the two pulled out his wand and said, "Diffindo. Life changing, is it not?"

"Revolutionary," giggled Phil, pecking Dan on the nose and pouring fake milk into his coffee until it was light.

"I like my coffee how I like my women," said Dan. "Not at all."

_______

They strolled along the perimeter of the Great Lake on the way to the meeting that night - they had, like, half an hour before it actually began - and were conversing about how most things at Hogwarts were Captial-G Great™.

"Great Hall, Great Lake, what's next? I'm sure there's a Great Door here somewhere, if we look hard eno-"

Dan was interrupted by a shriek.

The couple ran to the source of the noise, and found a pair of sixth years kicking what must have been a fourth year Ravenclaw, he was so small. Dan flashed back to how he had helped another boy in this same situation just a few years ago...Connor, was it?

"HEY!" shouted Phil. The sixth years turned and laughed, but their voices cracked. Phil might have been the snuggliest, kindest, most pure person to ever grace this earth, but he was 6'2". If he tried hard enough, he could be intimidating. And he hated when people picked on someone who wasn't their size. Phil strode up to the duo, letting go of Dan's hand, towering over them and glaring. Their faces paled.

"Leave that poor kid alone! How pathetic of you, taking out your own personal doubts and insecurities on someone who couldn't fight back if they tried. How much do you weigh, kid? 100lbs? 110? No matter. You two should be ashamed of yourselves. Tell me one reason why I shouldn't punch you numb right now."