blue ; gallavich

9

MICKEY

I awkwardly sit here in the tub, contemplating my life decisions and trying to figure out what the fuck is next. Where is my relationship with Ian going? I mean, he's still clearly with Caleb since they kiss every fucking second. And Ian wouldn't call it off with a hunk like Mr. Fucking Fireman over there just for me: a whiny, pussy piece of South Side trash.

But, not the piece of trash he fell for. Oh, no. That one wasn't romantic, but then again he'd never had his heart broken before. Hell, he'd never even fallen in love before. That one wasn't a pussy, running from his drunk father when he could've just socked him in the throat. And that one wasn't a fag- at least according to everyone else he wasn't. The old Mick would've never come out and made a fool of himself. He would've never hugged Ian in public, or even said a simple "I love you". He was tough and feared and frowned upon by the petrified residents of the South Side. But now he's just sappy and lovey-dovey and a fucking bitch who can't even take shit from his own father.

I sigh and rub a stressed hand through my hair. I have to fucking change this. I stand up from the tub and dry myself off with a towel, then slowly and carefully creeping down the stairway. I make sure that I'm not seen, but I'm still close enough to hear the conversation between Ian and Fiona.

"Ian, he's fucking miserable. And he's goin' nuts, too. I asked him how he was earlier and he said he was blue. That's a color, you can't be blue. You've fucked him up Ian." She sighs, almost- for the first time- sounding disappointed in him.

"He means sad. He feels down and depressed and ridden of all happiness and hope." Ian explains, and I feel a little bit relieved that he stands up for me.

"Hope for what? You and him getting back together? You know that's not going to happen Ian! You like Caleb now and as much as we all want Mickey back, you obviously don't feel the same way! You're just fucking with his emotions!" She yells in a whisper as Ian takes a deep inhale, exhaling equally as bone-chillingly.

"Fiona, you don't know how I feel, and being fucking honest neither do I!" He fires back. Even though their voices are both barely a whisper, I can still hear the remorse and venom in Ian's. "I thought Mickey was gonna be gone for a while so... I started dating Caleb. And, I mean, I was skeptical at first but one thing led to another and I started really liking him. I mean I feel bad for all the shit that I talked about Mickey, though."

"Yeah, we all feel bad about talking shit." Fiona sighs.

Um, what the fuck? They just shit talked me after I left?! After all the shit I've sacrificed for them they- I take a deep breath to calm myself down and let it out slowly. It's the fucking past. Whatever.

"Well if you're gonna stay with Caleb then let me say this about that: stop fucking Mickey over." She scolds as she starts to walk away, quickly turning back to face her little brother. "And get fucking tested."

What? I'm so conflicted that I lose my balance and fall, making a huge thud as I stumble down the stairs. The first thing I feel is my still-injured back pulsate in pain. I start swearing under my breath as Ian and Fiona rush over and help me up.

"You alright?" Ian asks. I nod my head in response.

"Mhmm." I mumble in response harshly.

Ian lets a spine-tingling breath escape his lips and, following my instincts and what my brain screams at me to do, I stare at him for a minute before embracing him in a huge hug. I put both arms around his muscular waist and he grips his tightly around my neck. I sigh into the crook of his neck and he rubs my back soothingly.

"Wait," I say as I quickly pull back, " you're with Caleb. What are you doing? I mean, where is this really going? You use me for fuckin' sympathy and then when Caleb comes here you just break my heart again and throw all of your problems onto him? Is that where this is headed, Ian? Because if it is I'm not going through the devastation again so you better tell me right fucking now if I should just leave." I say, practically yell, as I can feel my face get red and hot and my muscles tense up and I feel like crying from the sad look he gives me.

"Are you asking-"

"Yeah, okay? I actually am fucking asking this time. I'm sick of being sad and heartbroken and-" I just stare at the wall for a second, carefully deciding on my next words, "you fucking changed me! I'm not the Mickey you fell in love with- which you clearly expressed was a problem when you punched me in the fuckin' face- and if I'm not with you then what's the point of being this Mickey? The one that you sculpted and hand crafted into giving a fuck about people. I just-" I take a minute as I feel a sob come out of my throat, and I try to avoid it but now I just don't give a rat's ass. I feel tears strike my hot face and they practically burn on the surface. "I just don't want to be fucked with anymore. You either stay with me or you don't." I swipe a cold hand over my wet face, immediately wiping away the tears so I don't seem any more fuckin' pussy than I've already made myself out to be.

"I mean I love Caleb but... How can I just choose?" He asks, his voice sounding as innocent as a young boy trying to choose a chocolate bar.

"Well you didn't have a problem choosing when you started dating him." I mutter, turning my head to the side. I plaster my cold hand on my forehead and close my eyes slowly before opening them to stare into Ian's deep blue eyes. "Call me when you fall in love with me again." I say before turning towards the door. I turn the handle and walk out into the cold air. Shivering, I continue down the steps before halting to a stop. I run back up the stairs and throw the door open, just in time catching Ian before he heads back upstairs. His head snaps towards my red, fuming face with a startled gasp.

"Hold the fuck up."