The Depression Book

Part 13

Elenas P.O.V

My aunt was driving me to the progam.The journey in itself was a misery.This isn't the type of help I should be getting.My aunt glared at me the whole way,while disapproving everything visible about me.I sighed.I might as well suck it up.What more have I got to lose really? My sanity.Gone.My confidence and self esteem.Gone.My family.Gone.
So one more disappearance of my identity wouldn't be a massive loss actually.

My aunt pulled to an abrupt,abrasive stop on the asphalt."Out" she instructed brusquely.I did not argue.I stepped out of the car and she zoomed away in an unbelievable speed.I guess she didn't want to be associated with a supposed 'drug addict' .Would hurt her reputation in the business world I guess.

I walked unwillingly to the sleek black doors,and they engulfed me into the inside of the building.There was cream sofas and circular coffee tables.Everyone seemed so ....happy.Something that I yearned for passionately.

I snapped out of my depressing thoughts to meet the look of Steve.Steve wore a baseball jacket and jeans.I couldn't possibly fathom why he would go to this progam.He was perfection.Well as near as perfection as a human can get."You must be Miss Elena Mackey.Welcome.I'll be your counselor for your duration of the progam." He smiled.Of course he was a counselor.The idea that he was actually as messed up as me,was an absurd idea to begin with.Just a wild dream." Thank you.Nice meeting you too Sir." I replied."I would prefer if you call me Steve.More relax ,y'know?"he smiled and walked away.

I slouched on the sofa waiting for the meeting to commence.

The meeting was utter bullshit.No point sugar coating it ,is there? I don't want to bore you with the soppy crap that happened there.It would send you asleep.Instead I'll tell you what happened later this particular evening...

This evening....

I decided to go for a walk in the skater park.I haven't been there since I was a little kid.Nothing has changed about it.The same faded ,painted designs were etched on the skating slopes with skaters names scratched in with black Sharpies.Nothing physically had changed about the place.It was timeless.

However,something felt unbalanced.Everything seemed fine.The wind was rustling the crispy leaves.The skateboards were scratching against the cement.Kids were playing games.But then I realised.

Mason.Mason.Mason.He was here.I could sense it.Yet I kept walking towards him.I don't know why.I kept walking subconsciously until I bumped into him physically.When he saw me,his face lit up like a Christmas tree.He smiled so big,it reached his ears.He spun me around in delight,kissing me fervently.I wish I could say I felt the same way.That my heart skipped a beat like his did.That I returned his fervent kisses in a more passionate manner than he did.That MY face lit up like a Christmas tree.But that didn't happen.

Because my story isn't a fairytale.And I can't kid myself that it will be.I can't let myself love someone when I can't even look at myself in the mirror without screaming.

My heart is neutral.It does not love another.And I don't know how I will break this news to Mason.He will be heartbroken .But it has to be done.I can't pretend .I just bloody can't.And I hope he will understand.God how I wish he will understand.