Facing him again (complete)

Chapter 4 - I got my honors degree

It's been a few days since I arrived and I must admit it really does feel good to be home. I'm starting to feel like I'm reconnecting with my parents slowly but surely. It's early morning and I'm having breakfast with my parents on the porch. The air is nice and warm and filled with the chirping and singing of different types of birds. I felt like now was the perfect time to start to slowly inform my parents of what I have been up to the past few years. I put down my coffee cup and clear my throat to get their attention.

My mom looks up at me frowning. "Azora, are you okay? You seem ... nervous." That got my dad's attention as well. Great, now they are both staring at me with concern written on their faces.

"I won't lie, I am nervous. I think I should start to talk about what happened-"

Before I could finish my mom interrupts me, again "No you don't. You can talk to us when you're ready. Don't push yourself too much."

I scowl at her. She knows I hate it when someone interrupts me, but I guess she realized her mistake and smiled apologetically at me.

"As I was saying. I am ready. You were right that day, you don't know much and you deserve to know. When the ... incident happened I did not want to stay any longer. The only thought that I had was that I had to get away and far away." I swallow hard and continue. "The first place that jumped to mind was Mossel Bay. That's where I was always the happiest. I called Roxanne on the train ride there. She said that I was more then welcome to live with her while I find my feet. Do you remember her?"

My mom instantly nods. "She was your best friend when we lived there during your Metric year. How can I forget her?"

I chuckle a little at her statement. It's quite impossible to forget that craze person, but apparently she wasn't crazy enough because my dad looks confused, unable to remember her. "Dad she was the red head that I made the prank with about being pregnant."

It's like a light bulb went off in his head. His face quickly turned into a full blown smile. "You nearly gave me a heart attack when I started to believe you. You two kept up with the act for two months!"

"Jup that's the one. Anyway as you know I was in my last year of studies in Intermediate Phase of Education for my BED. I am proud to inform you" I paused for extra-long just for effect. "that I managed to finish my studies that year through a lot of help from friends and working as a waitress." A full blown smile appears on my faces as I see my parents' over joyed faces. I knew they were wondering whether I managed to finish and I must confess, it feels good to be able to tell them.

"That's wonderful! We were afraid you decided to throw in the towel." My mom jumps from her chair hugging me tightly, my dad standing next to her waiting for his turn.

I lough at their sudden joy and continue once they settled down. "I'm not done yet. I got a job at a middle school there a couple of months after I got my degree. I saved up for the rest of the year and enrolled myself again for an honors degree the following year. So technically I can be become a lecturer if I wanted to." Total and utter silence. Well ... I thought they'd be happy about that also!

The silence is deafening. My parents look like fish on dry land with their mouths opening and closing not able to say anything. I sigh and start to get up when I feel someone grabbing my hand. I look at the hand's owner and see my mom has tears in her eyes.

"Azora" I could barely hear my name as it came out as a whisper. "Don't take our silence as a bad thing please."

I sit back down deciding to give them some time to digest what I said. Clearly they are shocked. Did they have this little faith in me? Not believing that I would go further in my studies?

This time it's my dad breaking the silence and he sounds like he is in awe. "Honey please continue, tell us more."

"Well ... um as I said, I also got my honors. I moved out of Roxanne's place and got one of my own close to the beach. You should see it, the view is breath taking and every time I felt like I'm overwhelmed the view or a long walk on the beach, and trust me I have done plenty of those, somehow it managed to calm me down. I went through a lot to finish school and get to where I am now, sometimes I thought I really wouldn't make it, but somehow I managed to pull through. Somewhere through the process I started to heal slowly but surely and started to work through my emotions and hurt." I hesitated a bit but decided to continue. "I must admit I don't think I worked through everything, it is still a working progress. The day you called me, mom, I felt like I was that broken version of me again. I was afraid to come back ... to face everything again."

My mom and dad each grab one of my hands and hold them tightly. My dad rubbing his thumb over my fingers in comfort. I didn't even realize while I was talking that tiny lines of tears started to flow from my eyes.

"Azora. Everything you have accomplished is truly amazing. Especially considering the fact that you left with no money, no plan A, B, or C and a broken heart. You probably felt completely lost, lonely and scared. You have made your mom and I extremely proud to be able to call you our daughter."

I started full out crying now remembering that's exactly how I felt, little did they know I was depressed for a long time as well. The fact that my dad was the one saying these words  made me cry even harder. I'm deeply touched. He never truly shows his emotions and for him to say that he truly is proud of me means the world. Somehow we ended up in one big group hug one parent on either side of me as I cry it all out, all the stress I had coming here, all the guilt I felt for leaving them and for all the times I have missed them so so much.

It's been 2 hours since my breakdown. I'm in the tub soaking and regenerating thinking of how breakfast went with my parents. I must say, I feel a hole of a lot better and much more relaxed. My mom invited me to go do shopping with her, but I declined in fear of seeing ... him again. I know I'm going to have to face him again but today is not that day.

***Note from author***

Sniff sniff. I must confess I almost started crying with Azora. I feel all her emotions as my own. Hope you experience her emotions the same way.