Newest Shade - No Relation

Two Years Later

"STOP IT Parson! I'm not gonna stay with you if you keep DOING shit like this!"

"Shut the fuck up! Can't nobody love you like I love you, OKAY?"

Covering these bruises were getting too hard. I had to leave soon. I had to... This nigga was breaking me. Everything about me, every piece of identity, he was DESTROYING. For a year and a half I've been putting up with his issues, while he turned them into mine. Don't get me wrong... I love this man. I love him with all my heart. Parson was my everything. We were first generation, seeing as he never met my family and I never wanted to meet his... We had started a new beginning.

And with the start of that new beginning? His hands got heavier... Too heavy for him to hold on his own, I like to look at it as. So heavy that he had to lay them on me. I never thought he would. I really didn't. Until one day... He just snapped.

I fell in love with that big strong man just as my 18th birthday was approaching... And I've been with him since. Even through the bullshit, the pain. After the first time? ON my 18th birthday? I should've left. I should've just left. But he was helping me change my life. He was helping me day by day become a different person.

My birthday morning, it was all beautiful, he woke me up with a kiss and a gift; a Gucci bag and thousands falling out.. Because my man just had it like that. Because WE just had it like that. We spent the day together, we made endless love. And then the day just got fucked up. One text. ONE TEXT MESSAGE messed it all up.

Now... I knew this would bite me in my ass, but I never knew it'd happen this soon. The way I was... So young, so new to the game of manipulation, I wasn't good at being sneaky. So me loving my man, but having a girl and her brother on a leash, ready to come to the city to fuck me any time I wanted? It wasn't really... Very well organized. The girl, Evergreen, she was in love with me, and that girl loves HARD. She was my room mate when I started college, and my girl when I disappeared. Her brother Diyo, he was in lust with me, and I think he was my man when I disappeared too. They both still wanted me, regardless of the distance or emotions, even relationships they both were in or if I was in one didn't matter. They just desired Amari Jaseena.

I came to the city, disappeared from my college, just to get away from my hardships, which happened to be them in some aspect. As soon as I started walking away from my problems I walked into another one... Parson. We built a relationship and I fell in love with him in a matter of 4 days, I swear I did. He said he'd help me escape... But I don't think I really wanted to, in all honesty. I was still answering texts from Evergreen and Diyo, I was still taking their calls. I was still calling BOTH of them baby and I was still saying ' I Love You ' to them both. I never really let go because I felt like I had soooo much power and I really loved it. But Parson started noticing how sneaky I was acting with my phone... How sneaky I was with my journal that I'd kept. And one day, the day of my birthday, he just snapped.

After the beautiful morning, that amazing gift, I got royal treatment. He took me to the Dominicans to get my hair done, to my favorite nail salon on 125th to get my nails done, and presented me with a beautiful Givenchy body dress, a Versace jacket and some Christian Louboutin's. You could tell he loved me, all this damn money he flashed at me.

"Baby get dressed. I'm taking you out to eat. You gon love this. You're a queen tonight, right along with every other night after this."

I started getting ready with the biggest smile on my face. My man loved me, I loved him, I was LEGAL, and he was gon keep showing me the BEST in life. Everything was going so right. My phone went off in the next room, but I wasn't paying it any mind, people had been blowing up my phone all day to wish me happy birthday. But Parson paid it just a bit too much attention.

"YO, stop fucking calling this phone! Alright? If I find out you're calling this shit again, it's going to be a serious problem between me and you."

Diyo. Shit.

But Diyo wasn't even a real issue. I'd told Parson that he was just an ex who couldn't handle a goodbye. And he'd ran with it. Diyo was the LEAST of my problems. I just didn't want my baby all tense tonight... This was the most memorable night we'd share since we first met, my birthday. I just wanted to kind of make him forget about the phone call my phone just got... But before I could even reach the living room, he was screaming my name.

"AMARI GET OUT HERE. NOW. COME OUT HERE RIGHT NOW AJ, HURRY THE HELL UP."

What the hell? Why was he so mad? What got into him?

"Baby what happened? Why are you s-"

Before I could even finish my sentence I felt stinging and heat in the whole left side of my face and all I could taste was blood. All I could think was "Did he just HIT me?"... This guy... Who was supposed to be the love of my damn life... Slapped the shit out of me! He'd never put his hands on me, he always promised to protect me. I rode for him and he rode for me... So why'd this happen?

"Que has estado hablando... Who've you been messing around with? And AJ don't even think about lying to me. Tell me the truth or I'll hit you again. Who the HELL is Evergreen. Why is she texting you paragraphs... Tell me what's up, keep it a buck. Because I hate liars and you know this."

"Baby I don't eve-" Before I could finish my sentence, another shock of pain ran through my face.

"Didn't I just say don't lie?! Didn't I JUST say that?"

He towered over me. This big strong monster. Who was this that stood over me? Better question... Who was I, sitting under him? What do I do? I love this boy with all my heart... But he just hit me. And my mother didn't raise a dummy. But she did raise someone who became a fool in love. I couldn't leave him... And if I was staying, I had to tell the truth.

"I- i'm.. Sorry. Me and Evergreen... We've been done. Ever since I met you. She was one of the things that I was trying to escape from. And she kept finding her way back. She kept popping up. She never disappeared from my life the way I needed her to. I didn't want it to get to this point... Papi, estoy enamorado de ti y de nadie mas. Only you get my love... Honest."

As I slowly rose up from the ground, I saw a big monster of a man turn into a small boy. A tear came down his face.

"You know.." His voice broke. "You know I love you. I'm sorry, okay? I just... I don't want to lose you. To no one. You're supposed to forever be Parson's girl. Remember?"

"Yes baby." I kissed his lips softly. "I remember. You won't lose me okay?"

"I'll never do it again. I promise. I'm so sorry... C'mon, let's clean you up... It's your night."

That was the first lie Parson ever told me. As time passed... He hit me, more and more. The situations were nothing like the first one. It was his insecurities picking at him. So he took it out on me. Bruising my heart, just as well as my skin. I started staying in the house more, until the bruises healed... Because no one needed to know what happened in our space, we always kept our shit private. But when those shits healed? I found a way out.

I found a job in the city, even though Par said he didn't want me working. I needed to get out and he knew it. I began working in American Apparel, because they were understaffed and needed people who were willing to give long hours. I just needed time away from him, maybe he'd desire to hurt me less.

2013 came and went, and he became closer and closer to Ty... His hands got closer to me, but his heart got distanced. I'd come home from work? He was in Brooklyn... With fucking TY. What did he find in her that he had been trying to beat out of me? I could hardly take it anymore. How am I going to keep dealing with this man? He helped me grow... But beat me down in the process.

I just love him...