Solitaire ✔

Chapter Seven

My hand held on the knob. It's the shivering sensation on my fingers that alerted my worries. I am afraid to let Rachel know the facts.

However, knowing the condition that Grace is living in, I need Rachel to know about my idea.

I watched the door stayed immobile. It was a tough decision. Feeling hopeless at my indecisiveness, I opened the door with effort. Twisting a few turns with my key inserts, a click was heard as the door unlocked. Darkness welcomed me. I entered the apartment. It was slightly cold than the usual. My guilt must have exaggerated the atmosphere.

There were droplets of cold sweat sliding down my forehead as I searched for a sleeping beauty that might be at any corner of the house.

Maybe she is sleeping on the sofa? No.

Maybe she is at the study room? No.

Maybe she is at the balcony? No.

I froze to my steps as I stood along the corridor. Her bedroom was at the right side while mine was just at the other end. I wondered if she was sleeping in her room or stayed at my room.

How should I react so that it would be normal. Portraying myself as I tried to imagine that I had supper with Grace and we were having conversation the whole night. It would felt like I was hiding something from her if I were to go back to my room. However, if I actually checked on her. it would be seen as me feeling guilty and trying to act on concern for her.

None seems right.

"Are you okay?" A voice travelled from behind. I jerked at the sudden question.

Turning around as I saw her in a pyjamas and that messy hair. Rachel has gone to sleep without waiting for my return. I let out a relief but felt upset as I doubted if she really love me. She would have waited for me, right?

"Y-Ya, I am good" I replied with hesitant.

She gradually nodded before walking past me to return back into her room.

"Oh, I almost forgot." She paused. Turning back as she focused her eyes to my attention.

"Next time just head back to your room. It's okay for me." Her sentence landed in my guilt, I watched her closing the door behind me.

She knew? Or she doesn't? How could she ... have sounded so alright?

Pausing in front of her bedroom door,  I surrendered my guessing games. Heading into my room, I threw the document bag on my sofa. Releasing the knot on the tie that I managed to make a few rounds. So that it doesn't look like it had been loosen.

"My goodness" I watched the sunrise from my window. It had been the first time I attempted to come back in the morning. Like some husband that sneaked out to see his mistress.

Clearly it had not been that way. I went out under the acknowledgement of my current girlfriend and she knew well what I had done. Instead of quarrelling, she took it like a light matter. How can I not felt for someone like that?

Hitting my head as I scolded myself silly. I had a gem at home and I still went out searching for...

Eyes were shut. i was unable to describe how Grace stood in my heart. I hadn't been expecting this from her. Assumed we would be cold strangers after years apart. This seduction was physically just passion. There wasn't love in the content.

It's like I had totally closed up from everyone. My love had long gone with the shattered memories.

---

Looking in the mirror as I tidied myself. Feeling so worn off as I had not earn a good rest yesterday night. Settling opposite Rachel as I watched her flipping the newspaper. She was busy reading while munching her sandwich. I wondered if she was angry that I came home late. Observing her every move but only ended with an empty conclusion.

"Rachel?"  I asked.

She raised her head as she answered me.

"Are you ... angry?" Picking up with courage, I decided to make a confession.

Frowning at my question, she falls into deep thoughts. Shaking her head in denial, her smile returned as an answer.

I was in deep silence. Unable to continue a conversation as I watched her reading the news again. Breathing deeply, my lips landed an exclamation mark between us.

"Can we let Grace stay with us?"

Her eyes stared in astonishment. Bewildered at my request, her lips shivered. She stopped her reading and went in silence. There was a moment which I felt her tears were at the edges of her eyes. Sniffing at my request, she shut her eyes tightly. Like as if she was trying to accommodate her feelings and figuring out an answer.

I am suprised. Rachel had never been so affected. For the first time, I felt her love. The love she had for me as a woman. Sadness was drawn with a pinch of jealousy inside her emotion. She seem to be in a dilemma.

Rachel picked up her coffee and sipped a bit. Hesitating for a moment, her eyes focused at me.

"Are you really serious?" She questioned.

"I..." Indecisiveness brought me to speechless.

"Do you love her?" She asked again.

A set of question like she was trying hard to mend any part of our relationship.