Colours of Love

Chapter XV : Fate

She didn't know what to do. She wasn't sure she got that right. What if he was kidding? What if he was only teasing her? Making a joke...with such a serious face on..he must be a talented genius actor to be able to do that.

What should she do? If she were to accept, but couldn't forget Hii-kun, Natsume would be hurt. If she were to reject, then she'd have stayed away from any chances that might've happened, and Natsume would still be hurt?! Well..that's if he liked her for real...
She realized that no matter what she chose, the outcome of hurt and pain won't change.

Nevertheless, there could still be a chance for a future together with Natsume. Maybe the string of fate will bring them together... And maybe the memories that are still clinging to both her mind and heart can be overwritten with something happier...

In the confusion, she threw the dice which she knew would be a risk, and could never be rewound. Yuki opened a new page in her life, even though she was sure that there'd be misfortunes.

Still stuck in her own thoughts, she didn't notice a figure running desperately towards her. Yuki gasped and returned to face the boy in front of her, looking straight into her eyes as if he wanted to see the thoughts she had; looking at her as if she was something he lost, a painful yet relieved look.

Then, he spoke,
"Yuki! Are you dumb?! Running like that and then hurting yourself!"

Yuki then looked down at her feet. They were bleeding, yet she didn't feel the pain. She was too busy thinking of the right solution that could undo the problematic knot. She felt so useless and angry at herself, for being so inconsiderate.

When she was silently scolding herself, a hand lightly hold her foot up and started bandaging it. Natsume also did so with the other foot afterwards, looking at them sadly, suddenly scared to look up at her face. It was his fault that she had to suffer both mentally and physically. Maybe it's best to just let his confession slip and fade with the winter breeze. No one else except himself will have to put up with it...but...he became selfish, for the first time in his life.

In kindergarten, he gave away his toys, whatever his friends wanted. In elementary school, he didn't bother to speak up for himself, though he was treasured as his family extended their connections over the school. Natsume did know that all he was doing was being a useful tool, but he didn't mind. He just needed personal space, and his own world. A world filled by the imaginative scenarios that books brought. His secondary years should've been like that too, yet this Yuki came and destroyed the barrier he built. It was wrong, but your heart can't lie after all, and he fell for her. Maybe all along he was looking for someone to take him out of this mess, to be the light that showed him the way. Nobody would want the person they love to go through hardships, but he has had enough of being so indifferent. He doesn't intend to let out his frustrations on her...yet he couldn't just let her go. And thus...he was selfish, and chose to keep her for himself no matter what.

"I'm sorry for pushing it on you, but... can I...know your answer?"
Natsume considered the question over and over again, and the possibility of him being rejected was higher so he decided to rush things.

"Before the real answer..um..can I tell you something..? She looked at him pleadingly.

"...Yeah."

"You do already know...that I might still be in love..with Hii-kun... So if I do accept..then you might be...hurt......"

"It's fine. That means there are still chances for me right..? Listen carefully, I'm never, ever going to give up on you, got it? So is it a yes or a no?" Natsume straightly said.

Yuki looked at him for a while, going over the words he just told her. It wasn't that she didn't think of his feelings, but giving it a chance may just be the right choice, so she muttered out,

"..Yes..."

Natsume smiled. A glint of joy burst from within, like a sakura tree blossoming in the middle of the cold winter.

--

"Those who have courage to love should have courage to suffer."
- A Trollope

And Natsume is no exception. He wouldn't mind his own happiness, and instead, would do anything to make Yuki happy. He was selfish, but no one could predict the future. If one day Yuki would be looking for the figure of another boy, not Hiyama-san, nor him, then he might have to give up. You can't see how much one loves the other, and you can't control love either. What Natsume and Yuki did wasn't sacrificing, but having the courage to risk their own love, and to change...

End of chapter
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