Leave Me Breathless

Chapter 14

2015 - 2016

I'm super excited. Kai's piece with the paper as the QB leading the school to the state championship went so well the local tv station did a piece on him as well and it's airing now. He wanted to watch it here but I insisted he stay with the team. This is about all of them after all. I have my popcorn and some wine and Shay and I are settled onto the couch.

The reporter asks the usual questions and Kai is funny, enigmatic and oh so attractive. He speaks well and when he stares into the camera his eyes twinkle.

"What all the ladies want to know Kai, are you single." The reporter asks.

"I was hoping that wouldn't come up," he laughs and the sound is deep and beautiful, "but yes, mostly single."

I choke on the wine and manage to get it all over the t-shirt I'm wearing, which belongs to Kai. I just happen to sleep in whatever he wears the day before.

"Mostly single?" the reporter prods.

"It's complicated," he smiles and I'm sure she's wet because that's what happens to me when he's just about had enough of whatever I'm saying and is trying to make me melt.

"Well... There you have it ladies, the mostly single Kai McKenna might just be completely taken should you be lucky enough..."

I stop listening all together as I make my way to my room, needing to be alone and hyperventilating just a bit.

"Noah, are you okay?" the concern in Shay's voice can be heard as she follows me.

"Not now Shay, not now."

I close the door behind me, make my way to my bed and pull the covers up over my head.

My phone is going crazy but I refuse to even look at it. My tears are spent and my body limp, the only thing reminding me that I'm still awake is the pain in my chest. Yes a real actual pain. I never knew heart break was a physical pain. I can hear voices in the lounge, the girls must all be here having watched the segment. I appreciate it but I'm not ready to face any of them. The worst part is that I expected should we break up, I would hate him, but I don't. I can still smell him and it still makes my stomach jump. God I want to hate him so much, please make me hate him, or at least just unlove him.

Shay's voice gets louder and I bury my face further into the pillows. My door opens and closes and before I see or feel him, I smell him. I'm not ready.

I know that he's sitting on my bed, I felt the dip, but he makes no move to touch or speak to me.

I'm a daddy's girl and above all things daddy never raised a victim. I turn to find him sitting with his head in his hands. He must have felt me move.

"I'm so sorry Noah. I didn't think that's what it would come out as. You said you wanted all of it to end. The flack you were taking. I just thought... I thought if I said I was single it would stop for you. I never thought how it would make you feel, or make me feel."

I lye there watching the boy who has my heart and realise that not once in our time together has he ever even said I love you. Was this all in my head, was our relationship, if you can even call it that, one sided. Looking at him and looking back, did he ever want this to go as far as it has.

"It's okay." My voice is hoarse from crying but at least it's there.

"It is?"

"Yes. I get it Kai. I was fine to play around with for a bit, but I don't suit the lifestyle, and you know what. I'm ok with that. You can go out, and have our fun. Be with someone who'll be okay when you can't admit to being in a relationship with her."

"Noah, what are you saying? We can get through this. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger right?"

"No Kai, what doesn't kill us makes us hurt really bad for a long time and fucks us up mentally. I can't do this, I'm done."

"You can't be serious, I did this for you."

"Did what exactly for me Kai, let everyone watching know that I'm not important enough to you to stand up for. To say, you know what, fuck you all, that's my girlfriend and leave her alone."

"I'm not perfect Noah, I made a mistake." His is pleading and we are now standing chest to chest.

I hate that at his words my anger turns to tears. He pulls me into his arms and strokes my hair.

"Noah listen to me, I'm a fucking idiot, all I wanted was to fix your problems. Baby please don't let this come between us."

"That's just it Kai, this was the cherry. After everything that's been happening, the parties, the girls..."

"I'm not interested in any of that, all I want is you. Please tell me what to do and I'll do it."

"You've already done enough, please leave. Whatever we had, it's over."

I cry myself to sleep not only this night but every night after for nearly two months. Kai has tried calling, visiting even, but Shay has had my back.

I still can't hate him for breaking my heart, if that even makes sense. I still miss him, I even still love him.

But tonight, tonight I'm going out.

I'm in the corner, watching him kiss her and it's like a ton of bricks just landed on my chest. I knew he'd move on eventually, I just didn't expect to see it.