(LexiPOV)
I chewed my bottom lip while staring at the floor, Jon was asleep beside me. It was at least 2 am, I haven't been able to sleep. The memories of what we saw last week, haunted me. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't rid myself of the memory. I know, it was his past. So it shouldn't be a big deal, and I try my hardest not to let it bother me. Jon stirred then his hand gravitated to the small of my back
"Lexi?" His voice was raspy and deeper than usual, I turned look down at him
"Hmm?" He sat up and rested his chin in the crook of my neck from behind
"Why are you up?" I stared at my hands
"I just had to use the bathroom, can't fall asleep again" my voice was barely above a whisper, he was quiet.
"Don't lie" he sat up straight as I shifted to look at him
"Jon, I honestly, don't want to talk about it. I'm trying my absolute hardest to forget about this" I kept my voice low, not trusting it to be steady
"I want to help you, really. But I can't if you don't tell me what's wrong"
"Trust me, you don't want to help. I don't think you can" he stared at me for a while before laying with his back to me
"Go to sleep, Lexi" great, now he's mad at me. I let out a breath before laying on my back, sleep didn't come easy that night. But at some point I managed to doze off
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I woke up to an empty right side, Jon wasn't in the room. I walked out and saw him sitting on the counter with a case of beers, empty bottles lay sprawled on the table
"Jon, what time is it?" I asked confused as to why he was drinking beer so early, he stared at me.
"Read the computer screen, I'm sure it'll tell you. It's told you other things, right?" I froze, eyes drifting over to my laptop. It was charging on the couch, screen brightly displaying the newly learned information that has been haunting me.
I felt his eyes on me, but I couldn't look at him
"Funny story, you know you left your laptop bag in the trunk of the rental. So I figured, your laptop must be dead by now. Me being the great boyfriend I am, I plugged it in for you-" he put his beer bottle on the counter forcefully, causing me to jump
"-and what do I find? Well, I'm pretty sure you know. And...you've been acting so weird lately. Not being able to look me in the eye, the occasional flinch when I touch you. Yeah, I noticed." He drank more beer, before lowering it to look at me
"Didn't take me long to draw a connection between the two"as he said this he drew an imaginary line with his pointer finger, the entire time I remained silent.
Not exactly sure what to say, or if I should even say anything at all. It was dead silent in the room, everything stood still. I could hear my heart pounding in my ears, loudly. So quickly, a consistent beating in my chest clouded my better judgement. The silence became too much to bear, I met his eye finally
"I'm sorry" even my own voice didn't sound like mine, I'd never heard it sound so weak, or shallow. It didn't shock me when he let out a bitter laugh
"Sorry? Okay, that makes it all better, Lexi. Thanks" I could feel myself slowly starting to crack, he was being so harsh. As if he read my mind, he let loose
"I tried, so hard, for so long... To bury my past, push it down as deep as I could. I spent the rest of my life running from it and anything related to it, it reminded me of everything. All the times I went hungry for days at a time, the people that were supposed to love me more than any one, caused me more pain than anyone ever could have." He took a breath, looking me right in my eyes
"The people I was supposed to love, I caused more pain and suffering than imaginable. I was a stranger in my own home, can you imagine that? I had the type of parents that would give a loaded shot gun to a 5 year old boy and tell him to shoot the monsters under his bed, my parents were too brain dead to know how to take care of a child." Not once did Jon break eye contact as he spoke
"So of course, I would do anything in my power to put those memories as far behind me as I could. Don't I deserve that, Lexi? To have a peaceful life after all the shit I went through, hmm?" He squinted at me and for every step he took forward, I took one back. He was starting to scare me, the look on his face screamed 'run'. I stayed with him, eyes tied to his.
"What gave you the right?" He whispered, gruffly. He was now closer than before
"What gave you the right to go snooping around in my past?"
"You wouldn't tell me-"
"I didn't want you to know!" He raised his voice at me
"For once I actually wanted to keep a girl, not just fuck her then have her run off after finding out who I really was" I cringed at his language, but he took no notice to it
"I wanted to keep you, Lexi" I looked up at him, slightly shocked
"What?" He stepped closer, this time I didn't move back
"You're different from any girl I've ever had, you're my exact opposite. Innocent, sweet, smart. I needed that contrast in my life, you're a constant reminder that there are still some good things out there" I blinked up at him, not sure how to reply to what he just said
"I love you, Alexis" my whole body seemed weightless at the moment, Jon leaned down and softly pressed his lips against mine. I clung to his shirt, afraid my knees would give out on me. He loved me. Dean Ambrose, just told me he loved me. He pulled away, staring down at me
"I love you too, Jonathan"
A/N: sorry about the shortness, I just haven't been updating as much and I wanted to add this to the last update. Buuut, I forgot. So, here it is!
