-the butterfly chronicles pt.1

t e n

Freedom is a state of mind

-
Weeks have passed by since I have been abandoned by my so called family. Once a week I get a call from my sister who is checking on me for reasons such as :'We are still family by blood; I miss my sister ; It's lonely without you '
All those type of pathetic reasons but it comes back to why did you leave then.

Unfortunately today is the day I return to school. Over the past few weeks before this I had been hanging out a lot with Susan and Theo. I technically had no choice in trying to avoid them because they would pop up or hang out with me all the time after school. But regardless of them pestering me i have grown fond of them , well Theo the most.

I learnt so much about them in a short amount of time but from my side I had not revealed any information about me. As the trust I used to have for people has been betrayed too much for me to even recover . Well Susan -she is quite an aesthetic character where as Theo is more of an extravagant person. Susan is a person who is reliable and is shoulder to cry on but has a backbone for any rubbish that is thrown at her. Theo is caring yet funny and kind - like the perfect guy who is quite hard to find sometimes.

Replaying the weeks before , I finally got ready for the day I was dreading forever. I did my normal morning routine with a new addition of adding a 'new tattoo' to my arms. I chose to wear my BTS Sweater -Hoodie that is black ,along with my black leggings with my black vans .

I know people judge and yet want to make amends with me like the people who I thought I could trust . I'm dreading going to school even more since i live somewhere else,I now have to take rides with my new family. The embarrassment is already consuming as it is,but i cant keep on not going to school forever or I won't graduate Senior Year.

"Hope are you ready to go yet?" asked Mrs. Ragslade through the door that I obviously lock for privacy.

Instead of replying I unlocked the door signifying to her that she can enter while I double checked my school supplies.After a moment she had FINALLY got the message to come in,but what irritated me is that she asked a question about ' Them'.

"Hi Honey, Have your parents contacted you yet or anything?" she asked sweetly.

Hell, I know she only means well but I literally cant hold it back anymore, so I did the one thing I have been dreading for a long time is to-Talk.

"Seriously? You are asking about them-those liars,betrayers,back-stabbing, unreliable people who walked out of my life!" I screamed out.

And in that moment I knew I messed up real bad. All she was doing was trying to check up on me ,but I had held in so much emotion that I had exploded it out on her instead. I felt a bit better ,for sure,but I spoke which just ruined it for me . Meaning that is the first time she has ever heard my voice ever ,and I couldn't even register how I sounded because I was too busy ranting angrily to even realise.

Gazing up I saw her gaping at me with a smile with what I suppose was happy tears sitting at the brim of her eyes. Soon after a second she started squealing and hugged me so hard I was starting to lose the air circulation in my lungs.

"Oh my good Lord! Hope ! I'm so proud of you for finally speaking after such a trauma filled experience! ! It doesn't matter if you just literally shouted at me or anything but I'm just so happy that you have finally spoken to us ,we'll at least me !" She squealed and jumped up giddy about the situation.

I felt bad that I was going to shut down her mood like that so quickly so I simply gave her a genuine, small smile which indicated that I'm glad it made her happy but it was going to be the last time she would ever hear me speak for a long while.

After that mistake that happened I had gone downstairs and ate breakfast which was a huge stack of chocolate chip pancakes which used to be my favorite meal since my old mom used to make it . Regardless of taht I still ate them because I would feel guilty wasting their food . While I was eating Mrs. Ragslade kept on telling her family how I had spoken to her and how amazing I am for being strong enough to do that . So straight after she said that ,they had asked me to say something but to their disappointment, I had used the talking devices they had given me making the mood more dull then ever.

"Well it's alright Hope. If you don't still want to speak yet it's alright . How about we hit the road and go to school ey?" Mr. Ragslade had said trying to lighten the mood.

All I did was simply nod as I was no longer in the mood as soon as he mentioned the word 'school' . I slowly walked to the car as 'The Principle ' was wishing his family Goodbye , showering them with hugs and kisses which represented love. Love that I didn't have from my so called family that had abandoned me after all these years.

I guess it the end family is not only bonded by blood but also by love , which I seemed to lack. While they frolick and live a happy life , smiling wherever they go acting like nothing wrong ; all I will be doing is suffering by myself in sorrow and hate.

Eventually I will forgive everyone but that time ain't now .

If this is where my love for people leads to, I would rather be dead than alive. After all I had already tried to do that ,which resulted in a fail.

A fail only caused by a F A I L U R E

-
Eyo,

Thanks for reaching the end of the chapter and I would just like to thank all my readers for still reading on even though it took me such such a long time to update.

Have been having all writers block and it doesn't help that school is hammering us with homework regardless of that it sucks being back at school .

Qotd(for when you read it ):
Which is your favorite band or musician ?

Comment it down below because I need to more inspiration to carry on writing this book🎶🍉

xxLisobear