-the butterfly chronicles pt.1

t w e l v e

"Because I sit here wondering if anything you said was true and who it was that taught you to speak bullets without considering the exit wound"

-
One look is all it took for me to want to cower away back in my own non - existent shell I had created. Feeling all the emotions hit me like a wave crashing towards the shore. The shore that's covered in imaginary insults,past photos,empty promises, hurtful truths and destroyed dreams taht are now sorrowful.

And all I wanted to do was go back in time and never exist in this time frame at all. Even if I was just a floating ball of gas put in space , I would prefer it rather than this reality. The reality I have been trying to avoid forever. But along with my past its just right behind me ,biting me or just in general reminding me I can never escape the past.

I wanted to do many more ,but only a few options seemed to appeal to my liking. One is to cry ,the only issue is that I have no more tears to cry around everyone or I would appear to be weak which is not my aim at all. Two has always been my number one favourite is to run from this situation or just from this school in general. Three is simply just to avoid everyone as best as I can today and tough it out at this hell of a school.

Unfortunately only one option is suitable as I am here because I am not about to waste my last year of school. My choice was option three the least appealing one. After all , I have to do this for the Ragslade family since they are my only support currently.  Trudging on down the hallway , I tried my best to block out every person around me and just simply every sound that could disrupt my focus getting to my locker near the two .

One step at a time everything was slowly fading away from either sound or any person around me - all it was now was just a blur filled with stares that could not be averted away. Every step was a struggle I had forced myself to take as the pressure was just building up to any interaction with anyone. And finally , I had arrived  to the destination near them. But after all they don't own my locker or any my property in it , so it was a slight safe zone for me.

Unlocking my locker in a very fast motion I grabbed all the books and supplies I needed for the first few periods of the day before lunch. Stuffing everything I could in my bag with all my gadgets I quickly shut my locker and rushed to my first period ,English.  One of my favourite subjects put to waste now since I refuse to speak the beautiful  language and explain the context of it. Regardless of that it's now just something I have to endure till the end of this year.

I speed walked to class before the bell rang , which would precisely be in 5 minutes. Five minutes which I could be spending listening to music ,instead I have to figure out how I'm gonna have to deal with my class in general. Ah yes , the class that has no mercy to whether you are a human being like them , only realises you when you have a title of some sort. All these facts I was reminescing didn't make me notice I was by the English class.

Walking in I was met with the eyes of those students who came in time before the late bell would ring . I had the choice to change my seat ,but unfortunately that was no option as I had a parter who sat next en already, Theo.  Glancing at him , I saw him looking at me with a look that shows he is trying to figure out what I may be feeling at at this moment as I wore a facial expression of nothing but blankness. No emotion whatsoever shown to let anyone know I'm fragile.

Scanning the room for any changes , I also saw my ex friends looking at me with sorry eyes as if they want to apologize. Sadly they would've done that a long time ago if they were true friends. Which they are not at all because they did not even bother to even call me or even simply text me once while I was gone or at least send any slot message of a full stop I would've accepted the fact it's still a message. Unfortunately  none of that had happened so now their in my past as well as I need to move forward with life.

Looking at everyone once more in the room , I slowly walked to my seat next to Theo who looked focused on my movement towards our desk. Brushing off his stare , I finally reached my seat and sat down taking out my notebook and gadgets to use for my speech or just in general answering questions. After sorting out all my stuff coincidentally Ms. Holmes had walked in and greeted us resulting in a mumble of mornings.

Writing don't all the notes on the board and homework , I had not realised Ms.Holmes was asking me to answer a question till Theo tapped my shoulder signalling to her. And all I did was stare blankly at her where as she looked slightly frustrated with me not responding to her question I had yet to find out.

"Hope , did you hear what I even asked you?" She asked in an upset tone.

All I did was shake my head no.

"What I said was , Why is Shakespeare  unique?" She repeated.

And all I did was open my mouth then close it , simply just staring back at her.

"Hope,why are you acting so disrespectful?  Answer me this instant." She shouted at me upset.

In result I just looked down and starting typing on the voice speaker gadget - I apologize for my rudeness Ms.Holmes. To answer your question Shakespeare is unique because he made history have a cliché type of love story in everything we watch in reality TV or even animation. And if you have a problem with this consult with the Principle.

After I had types that all out , a British voice had said it all out for me. After my response , all I got a was pity look form Ms.Holmes along with an apology saying that my answer was also correct.

And all is seem to be getting is pity.
Can they all not see I'm also human being?

--
Hey,

Hope you semi enjoyed this chapter as it had been delayed for a long time . As well as my second book which is also being delayed for reasons explained In my profile.

But regardless of all of this , the song of this chapter is First Love- BTS (Bangtan Boys)

It's one of my favourite songs from their newly released album 'Wings'  .

Just remember to be who you want to be 'cause not everyone can be you at the end of the day 🍃

XxLisobear