-the butterfly chronicles pt.1

e l e v e n

One question.
Do you need someone or do you need me ?

-

BEEP BEEP

The car sounded off as he had unlocked the car. Mr .Ragslade had started approaching his own slick,black family car that i was standing next to since he had just only left the house now. He gave me a curt nod indicating I could enter the car so we can begin the journey to go to school. The place I have been dreading for a very long time.

The place where all my nightmares became reality over these past events. All its filled with is torment that cannot be cured , even if the cure was spoon fed . A place filled with labels that don't define who you are ,but eventually consume the real you.

That is the place I have been dreading. The hell hole which destroyed all my happiness into numbness. A feeling one should never recieve as it blocks you from the realising the good and bad,right and wrong , hate and love but mostly happy and sad.

With a turn of a key , the car had finally started to begin the journey to hell. And all I could do is stare out the window while the beautiful yet cruel world blurs past me . Letting my thoughts consume resulting in me tuning out the world .

Thoughts. It's just words and opinions swirling around my mind. Bouncing back and forth continuously ,only because they could never be voiced. Like my hidden voice , I refuse to use at all currently.

Afraid if I were to speak out again, I would cause destruction. Like the destruction I seemed to cause in my family. Sending them away because I'm sick and toxic.  It's like it was bound to happen but I never prepared myself in time for it . Only because time is inevitable.  Just for that reason time does not wait for you to make up your mind or go back to fix it .

Time is just a second maybe even more smaller than that but it's something that could pass quickly and never return. For example like my family who left in a second , with no return as I'm left in a the past and can't be places in their future.

Feeling the car coming to a halt, I removed my head from the window . A window that used to hold opportunity in my life . And now all I can do is wing it. Taking a deep breath , I had untucked myself from my comfortable position to observe my surroundings.

The same old scenery that never failed to look more ordinary. Too simple yet is very conniving on the inside. Glancing to my left  Mr.Ragslade was speaking but I was not paying attention as the anxiety was creeping in once more.

"Alright?" Mr. Ragslade questioned me .

All I could do was stare blankly but write down on the board 'Sorry.. could you please repeat that..? :('It wasn't much ,but it could at least show I had cared a little to what he had said.

"Sure thing.  I said that you could just come to my office if you down feel that well  or you feel like you are about to have a panic attack". Mr.Ragslade repeated calmly.