-the butterfly chronicles pt.1

s i x

Would you take the wheel
If I lose control?
If I'm lying here
Will you take me home?

I was slowly sinking deeper and deeper. Colours fading to grey to the tonal value of darkness.

What I needed for all those years I'm a life filled with destructive imperfections that were subtly killing me softly from inside out.

One trigger was all it is was from my point of view. One guy caused my break down. Why did I even let that get to me because everyone always leave s anyway.

Trust. I trusted myself to never let anyone in again. I trusted my so called best friend to stick by me and never betray me. I mistook trust as a life long thing ,but I guess it's only there when people need you for something.

I finally got what I wanted from the beginning . The numbness. So the pain is killed like when they give you morphine in the hospital when you are in immense pain. Only difference is the icy cold current is my morphine.

I wonder what people may think when I'm gone . What did people think of me even from the beginning . My child hood was a blur that could never be seen clearly but by me growing up I saw all the misfortunes ahead . From beginning to end I had known to never trust my heart , but I never listened.

Have faith in the Lord God who always will love and protect you they said. Where was he when I needed him the most?
Was he also part if the crowd that lead to my pain and sorrow ?

These questions were continuously replaying in my head like ocean currents.

Silent dark thoughts started to fade into hushed whispers being drowned by the water. One last song playing in my head like a broken and shattered recorder having its last play . But in my mind it felt like I was the recorder that's was taking their last breath in a life that once used to be a lullaby to all the miseries. Now its the last song I will ever hear or so remember.

That one song that promised everything will be okay , but sadly it didn't live up to its standards like our society and youth discarding all the expectations that should be responsible not rebellious in the way of hurting people.

Everything will be okay - G-Eazy ft. Kehlani.

Even if I don't stay
Everything will be okay
Everything will be okay
Everything will be okay

Coney plating just who I could've turned out to be
If I'd stayed and weren't heard , what would amount to me?

If I had looked and ain't found, would I have founded me?
I mean inside , would they loved me, never looked down on me?

They say ,"You know if you loved her
Well then you would have stayed
You could have made a perfect pair that people wouldn't trade"