'i don't need my eyes to see them anymore.'
I can see it so clearly the way your eyes could literally tell me how you feel. You always insisted you were never an open book. Too closed off by the lack of personal information or vulnerability you share and show to others. You might not be an open book but I can see the way how much you wanted to be a read one. To be read by others because the ink of the words inscribed in you are dripping. I noticed that your eyes were the gateway, the cover of that titled book yet nobody ever took time to reach the same hypothesis as I did which led to you being the same book desiring just for once to be read and understood. To understand every consonant and vowel, every syllable, word, sentence and paragraph you managed to scratch on the untouched pages. This was why you were regarded to be such an uptight person.
You were admittedly an uptight person.
The way you handled yourself as the president of the student council as you deliver the speech you probably didn't believe in. The way you greeted parents every time there was an open house, pasting that sweet angelic smile to maintain an image. The way you always have to maintain your composure every single time a violent fight breaks out and you just wanted to raise your fist to connect it to somebody's face just to finish everything off. The way you smiled that same fake smile every time you get awarded for something you excelled at yet you were not exactly proud of them as you never did like whatever it was you were doing because you were mostly forced to them anyway. The way you literally have to sacrifice almost all of your friendship with people just because you were the designated hawk of the teachers and there was now way you can lie to them and get away with it. The way you had to spend most days at school organizing and doing who knows what for the school and accepting it every damn time because you just can't say no. The way you held back your loud laughs no matter how much you wanted to guffaw at a stupid joke or the way you held back that eye roll when you knew the principal said something absolutely nonsensical. Your eyes had that same pained expression glazing your eyes. Probably reminding yourself that you had to be perfect in front of everyone. There was the pain of an unreleased scream of a normal teenager wanting to be a normal teenager.
i.
When you finally acknowledged my habit of observing your eyes we were at the auditorium with the whole school including myself sitting smack dab in the middle of the front row. I would have guessed you didn't find it completely creepy as you held mine a gaze too long. You were sitting with that usual rigid and straight-back posture again as I find it so humorous because who would even want to be you? The principal was going on and on again about how the behavior of the students were getting increasingly difficult to handle. You were the president so I guess you had that problem cloaked on your shoulder. You held my gaze and I was too prideful to step back to look away and we ended up staring at each other throughout the thing. As soon as the principal said your name, you snapped right up, almost mechanically and made your way up to the podium to speak. This time you had a different glint to your eyes. Clearing your throat, you made your usual sanctions to the students, saying their actions were unbelievable and too naive.
Suddenly my hypothesis cleared its way into a conclusion as you stated your resignation to be the student president and that the actions of your fellow students were as normal as they can get. Sure, we were reckless but what else can you do when imposed authority will only ignite that flame of the youth which inevitably will burn brighter and brighter. And that maybe because we were just simply naive and for once you wanted to act like one as well.
You may or may not just have earned my respect. You still had that solid and uptight look throughout your speech but your eyes had that gleam of freedom shining in them. That was when I fully realized that I was able to pry the book open. How I managed to finally rustle the first few pages and now I intend to read the rest of the chapters.
