To the one I fell for
The last time I wrote for you
I thought it'd be the last
The last time I'll ever try
To search for words
That meant so much to me
Because I breathe and live words, don't I?
So I ask
Why do I keep on breathing you in?
It's dangerous I tell my friends
How I fall
Because I'm a damn writer, you idiot
I immortalize you in my writings
I feed off of the pain and hurt I feel
Because what else am I going to do with it?
I'm a damn idiot writer
I know.
Sometimes I wonder maybe it's just because you're my friend
That's why I care
I care and worry
It's like a cycle
You do something stupid
And I'm there to witness the aftermath
And I do my best to salvage your broken pieces
Without revealing my intention of healing you up
Because screw you
I'm also in need of some patching up
Because out of the two of us I'm the one who's more broken after all
Back to the point
I try to piece you back together again in the most subtle way
Because I care and worry
I always hoped that's all there was to it
I care and worry as a friend
Maybe that is all there is to it?
I hope so.
I know you're leading me on
My brain shouts at me
Telling me it's not right
It's not okay
To hope for a hope that is devastatingly so false
But dear, my heart is a warrior
Fighting head first in this war
Without any armor on
Because armor are for wimps
And fools of course
I'm not a wimp just a fool
After all I'm fighting in this battle aren't I?
It's because my heart loves it
The way I can just stare at your eyes
But don't get me started on your eyes
I know that your eyes know
Of my constricting heartache
You play with it
Carefully around the edges
You have that wicked glint
Testing me out
As if to say
"Come on hurry up I know there's so much you still want to say."
And I know that you're correct
I want to tell you how idiotic you are
But I wish you'd also reprimand me
Saying,
"What an idiot, for you to fall for me?"
I want to say that you don't have to always break yourself
To remind people of how broken you already are
Trust me enough people already notice it
They just don't know how to tread your dangerous waters
Because truthfully
People drown in you
Like me I'm still there stuck underwater
Weighted down unable to resurface
But you're already too broken
Don't break yourself more
It's hard to piece yourself back together
When you don't even try to grab back the broken pieces of yourself
Because you don't know how to
Maybe this is really the way I always go down to my demise
A writer falling addictively for a story worth writing about
And that's what you really are perhaps
A story worth writing about
And I happen to be the writer
Thirsty and gasping for words
And somehow
Just somehow I read you
With imperfections and all
I still choose you
But you're not a writer
You're a whirlwind of movement
Never stopping until you get what you need
You bring destruction
But dear why are you the only reconstruction
I need.
The way you know my heartache
Makes me hate you more
Because you feed off of it
You love it, don't you?
Knowing someone else's eyes speak it's worry for you
I immortalize you in my words
Because I deserve that much
