Scarred

Chapter 20

Charlotte stared at the faucet of the bathtub in front of her, knees drawn to her chest. She didn't want to die, but she didn't want to live like this either, hating and hurting herself. She had a storm inside of her, threatening to spill out of her broken parts. 

Pressing her forehead to her knees, she squeezed her eyes shut. She was alone. All she had was herself. No one could mend her but her. 

"You have to love yourself," she whispered. "You have to love yourself."

The lock in the door clicked. Anthony and Becca stood in the doorway. They didn't say anything.

Charlotte pointed at the door. "Leave." The single word seemed to break a spell.

"What?" Anthony asked. He reached a hand out to her.

"Leave! I don't want to see either of you. You abandoned me." She closed her eyes and rocked her head back and forth. Eventually, she said weakly, "I had no one."

"Let us help you clean up," Anthony insisted.

Her gaze explored the scene. Pills were strewn recklessly across the room, razors spilled on the counter, and a rope and a bottle of bleach resting on the floor. She didn't say anything.

Anthony nodded to Becca to get started.

Charlotte wrapped her arms tightly around her knees. Anthony stroked her hair. He whispered, "I miss you."

"Don't touch me," she spat.

His hand paused in her hair before he removed it. "I'm sorry for everything. Breaking up with you was the worst decision I've ever made. "

After a stubborn moment, she mumbled, " . . . I missed you too."

"What happened?"

"After the concert, people called me tone deaf, which naturally turned into them giving me death wishes. I texted Sam and discovered the two of you. Then I came back here."

Charlotte closed her eyes as she remembered her jumbled thoughts. She remembered seeing the razor and wishing to gain a moment of clarity. She remembered thinking of Jenna and what her reaction would be. She couldn't do that to her.

Becca dropped one of the razor blades and apologized, "I'm sorry, Charlotte. I am."

"Anthony, will you leave us alone for a moment?" Charlotte asked.

He closed the door behind him.

Charlotte met Becca's gaze. "Well?"

"I don't know what I was thinking. I should have stopped her. I shouldn't have even helped her. But I just—I wanted her to like me. And I should have known that you wouldn't cheat on Anthony, but you sounded so. . . ." Becca let her sentence trail off.

"I . . ." Charlotte offered her a grim smile. "I forgive you, but why did you help us with the pranks if you were helping her with . . . you know." Her last words dripped in the air, devoid of any emotion.

"I didn't want to help at first, but she kept pestering me for your password and I realized that it could be the perfect chance to get her to finally like me. But after she attacked you . . ." She shook her head. "I didn't want anything to do with her after that. I didn't understand what was going to happen. I thought she was just going to scare you a bit, but then she hit you." Tears fell down her face. "I'm sorry I didn't do anything. I was scared."

She painted a smile on her face. "It's . . . all right."

Becca sniffed and nodded.

Charlotte cleared her throat. "Did she hack into your account?"