Scarred

Chapter 26

*TRIGGER WARNING*

Jenna was on the edge of insanity from the hunger and depression, had been for weeks. She had flirted with it sometimes, but she always came back, always woke herself up—but with one sad exception.

The excitement from earlier had caved into nerves. As she walked home, she went through the plan in her head. She was almost there, about a block to go. She could see both her house and Julie's next door. Her car was in the driveway. She would hear the gunshot.

You'll be dead before she can do anything though.

Jenna dumped her stuff and kicked off her shoes, performing each motion slowly with the knowledge that it would be her last time. She was on her way to grab the gun, but the kitchen stopped her. She hadn't eaten a real meal for a long time.

Well, I am about to die.

For once the sight of the open pantry—the beautiful, wonderful pantry—didn't disgust her. It took her breath away. Jenna fervently pulled everything out. From cereal to bread to chips, she consumed it all. At first, she wanted to puke, but then her stomach realized it was hungry and she couldn't stop herself. Once she'd started binging, there was no going back. She shoved it all in her mouth without an ounce of self-control until her stomach felt ready to burst.

The plan had to keep moving.

Jenna stuffed the food back in the pantry and stepped into their garage. There on the wall, hanging untouched for years was the shotgun. Jenna reverently placed her hand on the barrel and unracked it with care. From her lessons with her mother, she knew how to check if it was loaded and, satisfied, she went inside to retrieve her diary.

One last entry. Jenna placed the gun on her bed as she wrote a final time.

I'm going to do it, Mom. I want the pain to go away. I hope it hurts. I feel bad for not telling Charlotte why. Maybe I could leave her and Dad a note, maybe that will make them feel better. I wish it didn't have to be this way, but I can't wait to see you.

She ripped a piece of paper out of her diary and penned her suicide note.

Dear Dad and Charlotte,

I did this because I want all the pain to go away. I wish that I was skinny and pretty. I wish that people liked me. I wish I could go back to Pennsylvania and be with Mom. I hope you don't miss me like you miss her. I hope I don't give you that pain. I would hate myself even more than I already do. I hate everything about myself. I want to be someone else. I want to die. I'm sorry it came to this. I love you so much.

Jenna smoothed her comforter and laid her diary and note on the bed. She studied the scene and inched the journal over a tad. Everything had to be perfect.

Then, she picked up the gun and turned it toward her. The coldness of the metal seeped through her shirt against her stomach.

The moment had come. But Jenna hesitated before pulling the trigger. She imagined how sad everyone would be and how much it would affect them. She no longer wanted them to be in pain. She remembered how her sister and father had taken her mother's death. How she had taken her mother's death. But then she was reminded of Madi and the other girls and everything they had ever said to her. She hoped they would regret everything and hate themselves as much as they had made Jenna hate herself.

Jenna smiled at the thought of revenge, and with that same twisted smile on her face, she closed her eyes. I'll see you soon, Mom.

Jenna pulled the trigger.

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i've tried to make this and the next couple chapters as realistic as possible but if i got something wrong, please let me know !!