Chasing Blue

-SEVENTEEN-

-Blue's P.O.V-

Puffs of genes smoke were rising above the trees in the distance. Blue knows that they're from the campfire. He had pretended that he didn't care, that he didn't give a fuck about a campfire but In actual fact he would've loved to sit with JJ and eat those cheap marshmallows from some smelly old corner shop. He's always wanted a cliché romantic moment. He never had any with his ex. James was clear about what he wanted from Blue and the relationship they shared. It was all sex all the time, back then Blue was fine with that but after the break up he felt dirty and on top of feeling like he'd committed a crime he was also heartbroken.   

He sighed and kicked his legs that are hanging off of the side of the hammock. He forced any memories of his past relationship out of his mind and tried to focus on the now.

He started rubbing his hands together absentmindedly. It was one of those weird comforting habits. When he wasn't feeling right he'd rub his hands together. Although he didn't realise he was doing it half the time it comforted him. It started after his father left. His dad would rub Blue's hands in his whenever Blue was sad as a kid and after his father walked out he'd become accustomed to doing it.

As much as he tried to put up an emotionless persona to fool everyone else he was always honest with himself and he's well aware of his emotions. They're all over the place. They have been for a while.

Blue blinked and a couple tears trickled down his cheek. He let out a shaky breath. More tears fell. Blue was a cryer. He cried a lot, when he's mad, frustrated, sad or just when he's seeking a bit of attention. These weren't his fake 'pamper me' tears these were the tears he didn't show many people.

He tasted salt in his mouth as a tear ran down and slipped into his mouth. He stared down at his bare feet. "Blue?" He looked up, JJ was looking at him with an expression full of concern and curiosity.

-JJ's P.O.V-

Blue's tear stained face was shining slightly and his eyes were glistening with tears. They were slightly red and puffy as were his lips. He wanted to kiss him but now wasn't the time and JJ knew this, Blue's clearly not okay, kissing him whilst he's so sensitive and vulnerable would be insensitive.

"What's wrong? Why are you crying?" His voice was flushed with panic. What if he'd seen a ghost, I'm not sleeping in a ghost invested forest!

JJ was clutching  two long wooden sticks in his hand both with a large, crispy Golden marshmallow on top. He'd persuaded Angelo to let him take one to Blue. Eventually the big softy caved and told him he could.

Blue shook his head and tried to laugh. "Oh, don't worry, just being a drama queen, you know me, crying over a broken nail," Blue attempted to lie but JJ didn't believe it, not for a second.

He sighed and sat down next to him on the hammock. He passed him the marshmallow on a stick. Blue smiled as he took it. "Thank you," he mumbled.

JJ took a small bite. Fuck that's hot. His mouth burned. He ignored it and turned to Blue. "I can't force you to tell me what wrong, but keeping things to yourself like that isn't safe, eventually you'll snap," JJ looked at Blue intently as he spoke.

Blue nodded. "I don't bottle it up, I'm fine," he said blankly. 

"If you don't bottle it up then why didn't you tell me when I asked?" JJ asked.

"It's not an easy thing to talk about," he snapped. "You have no idea, JJ, it was horrible, It hurts me to even so much as think about it." Blue shoved the entire marshmallow in his mouth and threw away the stick.

"Then don't think about it," he spoke, Blue frowned. "Tell me instead, just blurt it out, and I'll help you so that you won't have to think about it," JJ prompted. With people as stubborn as Blue getting them to do something they don't want to is a real chore.