Chasing Blue

-TWENTY FIVE-

-JJ's P.O.V-

There was an unsettling silence that hung in the air. JJ shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Sarah was watching him, with her eyebrows furrowed, she'd never shared an angry moment with him, he'd gathered that this was because she was only his stepmother but judging by the scowl on her face that didn't matter much anymore. His father had his usual furious face on except this time JJ knew that there'd be dire consequences for what he'd done.

"Care to explain to us why my son came home in tears?" His father asked, his patronising expression everlasting. The oxygen felt like it was getting thicker, so thick that he couldn't breath it in.

JJ diverted his gaze away from his brother who's face is tear stained and who's eyes are rimmed red from crying. He stared at the floor. A loud clap from his dad's hands startled him, he looked up, surprised at his father. "You better tell me everything right now," Ted growled as he grabbed a first full of JJ's shirt and pulled his body up off of the sofa with so much force that JJ could've sworn he'd got whiplash.

"I told you, I was at a party," JJ spoke quietly, struggling to breath and sweating buckets. Sarah stood up and gently pulled Ted away from his son.

She placed her hands on her hips and looked down at him. "That's what you say, but how can we trust you, when all you've done is lie? Do you know how dangerous it is to leave Kyle alone like that? Ridiculous, JJ, you're a silly boy with a lot of explaining to do."

His body temperature had risen even though the window was wide open. "I'm sorry, I just went to this party and I was late so I left Kyle at Costa, to be fair, he is thirteen not a baby how was I supposed to know people would harass him?" In his attempt to defend himself he'd lacked in sympathy.

His dad stood up, his face red and the vein on his forehead practically popping out. "You sound like you have no remorse! How dare you, how dare you!" It was the first time in a while that his father had yelled so loud, it was nearly earth shatteringly loud. JJ had to prevent himself from covering his ears.

JJ unbuttoned his shirt to allow him to grab ahold of his breathing a little better. He'd tried to calm himself down but his body wasn't in sync with his mind. His head was calm, but his body was in full panic mode. "C-Can't breath," he'd managed to splutter in between his grasps of air. His vision was blurry and for a surreal minuet his whole body felt like it wasn't really there. Like he was only watching what he saw, it felt as though he was having an outer body experience. Sarah placed her hands on his shoulders before sitting down next to him and rubbing his back supportively. She didn't say anything but her gentle hands stroking his hair was an odd comforter.

As his breathing began to steady he felt more able to talk. "I'm sorry," he said, his voice was slightly shaky but still paudible.

"Okay, okay, just tell us where you really were," she told him, her voice soft and calming. His mind raced, was he going to do this? Right now? He'd always imagined he'd have a drama filled coming out moment, he just wasn't aware that it'd come so soon. It felt like a life death situation but it really wasn't.

"I was at a restaurant, on a date," he whispered, secretly hoping they wouldn't hear.

Ted sighed in exhaustion, "Why didn't you just say that earlier, all of this could've been avoided, honestly JJ, why would lie about that?" His father still wasn't pleased with the whole ordeal, in fact, it was fair to say that he was still enormously pissed.

The room was silent as the anticipated question hung on everyone's mind. JJ squeezed his hands together, tightly. "Um, because it-it was with a boy, dad."

The look on Ted's face was one that burned holes in JJ's mind. It was like one of those moments that you never really forget. It wasn't disgust, it wasn't anger, nor was it confusion, it was like a mixture of all three at the same time. When the room went silent, JJ stood up from the sofa and headed for the stairs. He felt the eyes of his family glued to his back as he made a rushed exit out of the room.

He shut his bedroom door, quietly. He was holding in his emotions but he felt he was going to burst any moment. His face was calm and his body was calm but his mind was racing and his heart beating at uncontrollable speeds. He had to be quick, he grabbed a black duffle bag and began throwing his clothes and underwear into it, not bothering to fold any of it. He used his clammy hands to shove his uniform into the bag. His coat was hung up on a hanger in his wardrobe, he pulled it on, put his wallet and phone into his pockets and headed downstairs. It was as though he never left, he room was the same as when he left. No one had spoken. Seemed as though the information had been so shocking it had sent as shock wave to their brains, making them paralysed in the process.

"I'm going to stay with Brian," he muttered to no one in particular before he headed for the front door. He was heading there slowly, painful slow. He was stalling. JJ was hoping that his father would come to him, hug him and tell him he'd love him no matter what, but Ted didn't move an inch.

"JJ! Wait!" He heard Kyle call for him but he ignored it and closed the door behind him. He wasn't sure what he'd just done but it felt like a relief, maybe he'd regret it in the long run, maybe not, he just had to wait, let everyone gather their thoughts. The walk wasn't far but it was dark and slightly frightening. The dimly lit street was bare as JJ walked hurriedly. His fatigue was catching up to him, his energy had been drained out of him. He rubbed his cold cheeks as he pushed though the nippy winter air. He let out a sharp breath, he felt content for some reason.

Once he'd arrived at Brian's he knocked on the door. He knocked a couple times before a tired looking Brian finally opened it. "JJ? Hey man, sorry I didn't hear the door, I feel asleep on the couch," he laughed slightly whilst rubbing his eyes. Brian was handsome even with his hair a mess and sleep in his eyes, JJ was jealous, he'd always been rather green-eyed towards him. Brian's eyes shot down and noticed JJ bag and he sighed, knowingly. "I take it you want to stay?" He asked, opening the door and moving to the side to let JJ enter.

JJ blushed as he felt ashamed and embarrassed but he nodded. "I'm sorry, I don't feel comfortable at home at the moment, I- uh, I came out and I couldn't stand the looks on their faces, I just can't stay there, it's a weird feeling but I want to be away for a while, I'm sorry if this is an inconvenience but I'm staying because I'm not staying on a park bench."

Brian laughed slightly despite the situation and took JJ's bag from him. "Honestly, it's fine, really, stay as long as you need." Brian declared with a welcoming smile on his face. They both made their way to Brian's room where the duffle bag was set down on the double bed. "My parents are asleep but they won't mind you being here, I'll leave you to change, downstairs if you need me," Brian sent JJ a thumbs up before he left the room. JJ collapsed onto the bed and rubbed his face with his cold hands. His eyes wandered around Brian's room.

There wasn't much, it was a simple room quite mature looking, too mature for Brian. There weren't any indecent posters of women on motorbikes like he'd seen in his other mates rooms, he laughed as he remembered himself acting impressed by them, he'd gone overboard with the faux eroticism. JJ decided against changing, he was feeling too tired, too tired to even move, it was a disgusting feeling, like his body was heavy and weighing him down.
Thank God for Brian, he thought as he snuggled under the warm duvet, feeling his body warm up instantly.

A/N

I didn't know how to end that. It so awkwardly ended in cringing.

-KILLJOY'S GHOST XXX