Chasing Blue

-TWENTY TWO-

-JJ's POV-

The atmosphere was strange. It wasn't loud and busy like usual, it was quiet. JJ felt exposed as he felt his entire tutor group's eyes boring daggers into him. He looked around for a place to sit, his usual spot next to Claire was occupied, by her handbag. She purposely put it there. JJ sighed and walked over to her, he kept his voice down because he was still being followed by the eyes of the students, it was like being in a room full of Monalisa paintings.

"Claire? Can I sit here?" He asked pointing to the seat her bag was on. Claire turned her head before shaking it, no. "I hope that one day you'll feel really shitty for losing someone like me, I'm a loyal friend, I wouldn't hurt you like this for something you can't control," he whispered, only earning a glare from her.

He ignored everyone's stares and sat down at the back of the class with a kid in the year bellow called, Ryan. He'd spoken to him once or twice. "Why is everyone giving me the eyes?" He asked Ryan.

Ryan frowned. "You don't know?"

JJ rolled his eyes. "No, Ryan, that's why I asked."

Ryan smirked slightly but then his face turned serious. "People are staring because we know your secret," he explained.

JJ felt his heart drop. Everything around him collapsed. His breathing became unsteady and his palms became sweaty. "W-what secret?" He stuttered.

Ryan threw his head back in frustration. "That you're a massive bender," Ryan wasn't careful with his volume, people were listening and no thanks to Ryan it wasn't hard for them to do.

"Who told you that?" JJ hissed at the ginger kid next to him. Ryan gave him look that said as if you don't know.

"It was that boy with the blue hair, he also said that you're bad in bed," Ryan laughed at the last part but JJ didn't.

His head spun as he looked at the classroom of people who's heads were still turned to him. JJ felt sick. He pinched himself. Wake up, it's just a nightmare, wake up! He kept telling himself but it was no use. He grabbed his school bag and headed for the classroom door.

"Where are you going, JJ," his tutor asked as she turned up at the door. He ignored her and continued walking. He didn't know where he was walking, anywhere but here would be good. His heart was plummeting so hard against his rib cage. He breathed in and out, In and out, over and over but it was failing, he couldn't calm down.

He found the nearest boys toilet and pushed through the door. His reflection was staring at him as he looked in the bathroom mirror. He was gripping the sides of the sink so hard that his knuckles were turning white. He shuddered at himself in the mirror, he felt so out of place from his own skin, almost as though he didn't know himself.

"Hey, JJ," the bathroom stall pushed open and Brian stood, smiling, completely unaware of situation. JJ mustered up the best false smile his face would allow him. It clearly wasn't very convincing because Brian's face was full of concern.
"Mate, what's wrong?" He asked as he put his arm around JJ's shaky shoulders.

JJ didn't respond. He was too overwhelmed to talk about it. "Stop being a whiny little bitch and tell me what's up," Brian told him, he wasn't talking any crap.

JJ sighed. Brian was going to find out anyway, seeing as Blue's going to tell the entire universe about his sexual orientation. "He's told everyone, Blue told everyone that I'm gay," JJ whispered. His heart raced as it waited for Brian's response.

"Wait, what the hell? You're gay? Since when?" Brian took a step back and ran his hands through his hair.

"Well, yes I'm gay, and since birth," JJ said as if it's obvious.

Brian nodded slowly, his face still unsure. "But, why?"

JJ rolled his eyes. "What does it matter? All that matters is that I'm a massive faggot who takes it up the arse," JJ quoted Brian. He remembered Brian talking about Adam Lambert that way once.

Brian looked astounded, to say the least. "You, you aren't a faggot, I shouldn't have said that, yeah at the time I didn't like this whole gay thing but you're my mate and I'm ready to understand it and support it," Brian spoke, his voice full of awkwardness. JJ knew this would be an awkward thing for Brian to comprehend but that's just cause he's a straight dude.

"I appreciate it," JJ spoke before turning on the tap and running his sweat covered hands under the cold water.

"Why are you in here again?" Brian asked.

Worry flushed through JJ's body as he remembered it all. "There was a boy, called Blue, who I... Did some stuff with-"
His sentence was cut off early by Brian's gasp.

"What like, sexy time stuff?" He asked as if it was some sort of forbidden crime.

JJ nodded slowly. "Yes... Anyway, back to the point, this boy basically outed me and now everyone knows I'm gay and that's not what I wanted, I didn't want people to know!" JJ kicked the plastic grey bin beside him in anger. He wanted to pretend that it was Blue and kick it repeatedly.

Brian shook his head in disbelief. "What a fucking prick, I'll fucking show him."

There was a part of JJ that was rooting for Brian, he wanted to clap his hands and chant as Brian will beat the living shit out of Blue, but an even bigger part of him wanted to tell Brian 'no.' Although the blue haired boy stabbed him in the back and broke his heart into tiny pieces, he still held a deep desire to be with him and the fact that JJ still cared for him is what angers him the most.

"No, don't, let's just talk to him first, hear his reasons," JJ explained to Brian.

He nodded. "And if that doesn't work, I'll punch him."

- - -

A/N

-KILLJOY'S GHOST XXX