Side-by-Side

Chapter 20

Things have been different now. We lost T-Dog a few days ago and it has really affected people. I felt depression come through me like a tidal wave, and I began to distance myself from other.

I was the leader of the group, and it was my duty to ensure that everyone was safe. Only, I have failed. That panic attack is what affected everyone. If I never got it, they wouldn't have been searching for Daryl so frantically, having him retrace his steps to me. The others wouldn't have stopped and let down their guards. We would've been gone, long before the herd came along.

It was my fault that T was killed.

I remember thinking the same thing when we lost Sophia. I remember going after her like I was losing my own daughter.

Daryl has been trying to get me to talk to everyone more, but depression is a bitch. I don't feel like doing anything. I just want to lay in bed and do literally nothing.

Fortunately, being the leader of the group won't allow me to do such a thing.

I got up earlier than anybody else, I needed to take a perimeter check to ensure that none of the walkers had followed us up here. When I got downstairs, I put on my boots and grabbed the keys to one of the cars.

I know everyone will be mad at me for leaving without notifying them, but I couldn't care less as of right now. I walked out the door and to the pickup. I quickly realized that no one will be here to open the gate so I have to make it a fast trip.

I started the engine and began to drive to the gate. When I was close, I quickly got out of the truck and left the door open, I ran to the gate and tugged it open as well. I ran back to the truck and left the door open as I drove through. Quickly getting out of the truck, I shut the gate and got into the truck again. I drove slowly, trying not to make to much sound with the dirt road, who knows what lurks around me.

I took a sharp right and began to drive the trail that lead all the way around the house. I kept my eyes peeled to the road in front of me, glancing around to ensure that nothing was following or surrounding me. I kept my ears trained to try and identify any unusual noises.

As I got back to where I started, I sighed in relief that nothing was out of the ordinary. I didn't want to risk going into the city again, so I stayed where I was for a small period of time. When I finally have an idea that nothing will be endangering us anytime soon, I put the truck in gear and advanced my way back to the house.

When I got back to the gate, I saw Carl at the gate, ready to open it for a car with Dad, Daryl and Merle inside. I shook my head, not realizing that I've been gone for so long.

When they saw me, they got out of the car and ran to the gate, Carl allowed me access. I can see from the look on their face that they are mad, pissed that I didn't mention a word about going out the gates.

You are dead. My conscience is telling me. So dead. I shake my head to rid myself of these thoughts as I parked the truck. As everyone was walking up to me, I gathered my thoughts and opened the door.

Daryl, being my husband, ran to the door and harshly opened it, tugging my wrists to get me out faster. He slammed the door shut, his blue eyes blazing with outrage.

"What the hell is wrong with ye," he angrily spat, "are ye really that stupid? To go out there, no cover, no one with ye, after what happened just a few days ago?" I knew he was peeved, enough that he will hate me for days.

Only, depression made me not care.

"Well, I'm back so you can calm down." I spat at him.

"Calm down? Yer kiddin' right?"

"No Daryl, I'm not." I rolled my eyes as I began to walk away. He grabbed my wrist.

I tried to wiggle it free but his hold tightened slightly, not enough to hurt me though.

"What gave ye the impression that it was okay to go out of the gates alone, and not even telling anyone where ye were?" Daryl said through gritted teeth.

"I needed to make sure that the area was still safe." I said.

"So you go alone?" Dad joined us.

"Yes I did. I'm back and alive." I said to him.

"Carly, you are crazy. You can't do that." Dad said.

"I'm twenty six years old, I can do what I please." I didn't intend on saying that, it was the depression, I say shit I don't mean and now I am getting myself into deeper shit than I already was in.

"You're now on a watch, you aren't allowed to do anything by yourself. Hunting, runs, gate, watch, nothing. Someone is to be with you at all times." Dad exclaimed as he began to walk away.

"This is unfair. No one put a watch on you when you went to crazy land back at the prison."

"I don't care. That was a different time and situation." He spat angrily and walked away before he said something stupid.

I punched the side on the truck before continuing my path to the house. I walked upstairs to my bedroom and laid down on my bed. Daryl walked through the door and sat down on the chair beside me.

"Ye need to understand where we are coming from." He said but I had enough.

"Get out."

I turned my head to look at him and his face was scrunched up in confusion. "What?"

"I said to get out."

"And go where?"

"Anywhere but this room. I want to be alone." I said.

"Ye can't be-"

"I don't give two shits what I can't do, I want to be alone, so get out of my room and leave me alone." I said.

My eyes I could feel turning an icy white, and the face Daryl is making tell me he is scared. I gets up and leaves the room, angrily slamming the door shut.

I laid my head back, trying to calm my nerves, but ended up falling sleep.