I Love You In a Pick Me, Choose Me, Love Me Kind of Way

Well, Y'know Be Okay?

AN: Thank you so much for the positive reviews I've been receiving! They mean a lot to me, like I said they are like candy for a writer! Keep them coming! Also if you haven't read Shonda's "Year of Yes" DO IT! Seriously though, buy it and read it. :)

The rest of Derek's day was shit. It was shit. He didn't know how he would propose his question to Meredith when they got home. He didn't know when to do it, he didn't know how to ask it, he just was at a loss for what the hell to do. I mean how do you ask your girlfriend is she's pregnant, when you are 99% sure she isn't? Well, he decided he would just go for it and deal with the repercussion later. Just go for it. Was all he could tell himself.

On the other hand the rest of Meredith's day was decent, the students were as well behaved as they could be and Meredith was still debating on how to bring up her past to Derek and when to do it. It wasn't going to be a simple discussion like: Okay, this happened in college and now I'm traumatized and you get to be a part of my emotional mess now because of it. That was definitely not going to be how it went but maybe Derek would answer with: I'm so sorry that happened and I will always be by your side and give you everything you've ever wanted. Derek was cheesy but Meredith was sure that the discussion would be more complicated and a mess than that, but she could only hope right? She wanted to do it tonight though, she just felt like if she got it off her chest everything would be okay and she could just well y'know, be okay.

Derek dropped by the school picked up Meredith and they drove home, talking about the rest of their day and their normal small talk. They decided to pick up dinner at the chinese restaurant nearby because neither of them felt like cooking. They were tired and both had things they were planning to talk about. So they ate and showered and Meredith decided it was time to break the ice: (Okay, so this will be a lot of dialogue so hopefully it's not a mess, bear with me) "Okay, so I have this thing and I need to get it off my chest. It's long and messy so hear me out," Meredith said cringing as the words spilled out of her mouth and she watched Derek's relaxed expression fade away to a concerned look. "Okay, I have something to ask you too," he responded with a bit of nervousness in his voice. "Umm. you go first, mine is long and messy," she said hoping his question would take over everything else. "Well, I was just wondering if um-you've been acting a bit off lately and you haven't had much coffee, & I don't know how to ask so um-you aren't pregnant are you?" Derek said about to go hide in a corner away from what he just asked his girlfriend a question he didn't even want to ask. "Derek! Oh god no, there's no possible way I mean, yeah there is no way. I just haven't wanted coffee lately and well I'm getting to the acting weird thing and yeah, there is nothing to worry about I can assure you of that." she spat taken aback at what he just asked. After taking a sigh of relief Derek decided to reply, "Oh thank god, I didn't even want to ask and Mark said something and-okay good, I just. Now I feel bad for even asking. I'm sorry," "Okay, don't be, I-yeah nothing to worry about it's okay." Meredith said rubbing his arm in assurance. "Okay," he said still kind of shaken up about that whole scare. "Okay, umm you said you had something," Derek said wondering what Meredith has been worrying about. "I, well, okay if I just say it it will be out there and nothing to worry about and we can move on. I can breathe and get this over with-" Meredith was soon cut off from her typical rambling she does when she's obviously nervous. "Meredith, I'm here. Just tell whatever this is." Derek said taking her hand and squeezing in assurance that he was there and listening.

"Okay, so here it goes. I dated this guy in college he was the first one I was ever serious with. His name was Finn, actually. He was, well seemed like a nice guy. We had been dating about 2 years and I was a sophomore in college and he was a junior in college. He started drinking, at first is was only 1-2 beers every night when we got home. He said it was just his "cool down". I told him he needed to stop because it was easy to get addicted and then he would have a real problem. He just shrugged it off, then it became 3 then soon it was him at the bar drinking every single night. I told him if he didn't stop I would put him in rehab and then leave. I stayed because at the time I was in love with him or at least thought I was. I shouldn't of stayed. We would argue all the time about it, he would raise his voice and then he would grab my arm, tight. Then he smacked me a few times, then it became worse. He came home drunk, it was the worst I had ever seen him. I told him I was leaving, I grabbed my stuff and headed for the door. He grabbed my arm and threw me on the ground-and-umm-he beat me. He-"

Derek cut her off. "Derek-I-" Meredith tried to get out through sobs. Derek wrapped his arms around her and held her close, he never wanted to let go, he couldn't believe anyone would ever do such a thing. How could anyone beat her like that? "Meredith, I don't know what to say. I'm here though, I'm not going anywhere. Why didn't you tell me sooner?" he asked. "I-I was embarrassed by staying with him it was like I was asking for it." she said barely audible. "It's okay, you're okay now. You had no idea it would ever get that bad." Derek said. "I-just we were talking about marriage and kids, and I was scared that if I ever told you, you wouldn't love me anymore." she replied. "Meredith, don't you ever worry about that, okay? I'm not going anywhere," he said kissing the crown of her head. "Okay," Meredith finally relaxed in his arms, Derek felt the tears slip down his cheeks, he was at a loss for words. All he wanted to do was find Finn and kick his ass to another dimension. They sat there in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, only the sound of their breathing and Molly's breathing could be heard. "Derek," Meredith managed after a few minutes. "Yes," he said as Meredith pulled back and looked into his eyes. "I'm sorry, I should have told you sooner." Meredith said. "Mer, you told me, that's all that matters. You have me and Molly, no one is going to hurt like you that again. I promise you that, okay?" Derek said brushing the hair out of her face. "I love you," she said putting her hand over his. "I love you too," he said cracking a small smile. "Why don't we go to sleep?" she asked. "I think that's a good idea." he replied pressing a kiss to her lips.

Meredith fell asleep thinking about their conversation. Derek was the first person she'd ever told besides Alex. Alex was in fact the one who found her curled up on the floor of her apartment, if he wouldn't of found her who knows what would have happened. The scars were minimal which made it easier for Meredith to hide, Derek never asked about them. Alex has always protected Meredith like a sister, especially since the incident. Derek is glad that Meredith told him, he would've liked to have known sooner but he understands that Meredith is self conscious about it. This is something that will bring the two of them closer and their bond will be made stronger because of it. <3

Author's Note Again:

Okay, long chapter but a lot just happened so I hope you all enjoyed it! This wasn't my exact plan but I'm going to make it work, I felt like everything was getting a little boring so I decided to change things up a bit. This is Meredith's whole story with Finn but I might add in a little more detail about the incident here and there. This is also a huge stepping stone in their relationship because Meredith is beginning to open up more to Derek and since she has been hurt by a man before there may be a few things that "scare" her. (Haven't quite decided on what to do for that yet, so ideas are welcomed!) Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Don't forget to comment/review/vote on this chapter! They make my day a whole lot!

XOXOXO Grace