You Are Jemily Fanfic

Chapter 17

JJ POV

I had finally finished going through all the case files and it was almost time to leave, but there was something bothering me. I just couldn't figure out what. Just then Emily walked up to me.

"So, how does it feel to finally be back?" She asked me.

"It's nice to get back into a routine. But somethings been bothering me."

"Like what?"

"Well, I think looking at all these sad cases isn't really helping my state of mind, but that's the job I guess." I sighed.

"Maybe once you start seeing your therapist it won't bother you as much." She suggested.

"Let's hope so."

She wrapped her arm around my shoulders, and we walked out to the car together.

I let Emily drive because I was exhausted from today and I kept taking my attention away from my view out the window to focus on her. I'd noticed how when she was focused she bit the inside of her lip, and it made me smile because it was another one of the little things she did that made her more adorable.

Eventually I had become dazed, mesmerized by the passing cars and autumn leaves. I didn't even notice when we finally made it home.

Emily nudged my shoulder and I snapped to attention, getting out of the car and wandering into her apartment.

As soon as I had closed the door, my phone rang. It was Will.

I answered, "Hey Will, what's up?"

"Henry keeps asking for you, he says his stomach hurts, can you talk to him?" He asked.

"Yeah of course!"

"Hi Mom." Henry said.

"Hey buddy! How's it going?"

"I don't feel good and I miss you. When will you come home?"

"I'm sorry to hear that, but we'll see each other soon. You can come stay with Emily and I. You remember Emily don't you?"

"I remember, but why can't you come home?" He asked, disappointed.

"I just can't okay, you'll understand why someday, I promise." I told him.

"Okay, I love you mommy."

"I love you too Henry, be good for your dad okay? I hope you feel better soon."

"Okay." He responded.

I hung up before I had to talk to Will again.

"You know, whenever you're talking to him or when you're thinking about him you smile." Emily mentioned.

"Really?" I blushed.

"It's really cute, I love it when you smile."

"Emily can I ask you something?"

"Go for it."

"Do you think it's possible to love someone, but not be in love with them?" I asked.

"Of course. You love Henry, but you're not in love with him. Why do you ask?"

"Because I don't know if it's right or wrong that I still love Will." I stopped when I saw her facial expression change. "Even after all he's put me through, all the bruises, the scars, the tears... He was my husband and he's the father if my child. I hate him but I love him."

"You still love Will?" Emily asked defensively.

"Yes, but I don't think I'm in love, like you said. I love him like a brother."

"More like a cousin you've only met once at a family reunion." Emily smirked.

"Emily, I spent countless years married to him, he was my other half, we have a kid. So, I'm sorry for getting attached to him." I raised my voice.

"But you said you loved me. Who did you come to when he kicked you out? Who's shoulder did you cry on over him? Who saved your god damn life?! Me. That was me."

"Emily plea-" She cut me off.

"Do you remember how rude he was when he saw you in the hospital, or how he threatened to take Henry for himself? JJ, he used you. You meant practically nothing to him."

"Screw you. He loved me. He fucking loved me. Maybe not anymore, but he did. It wasn't always like that. It used to be like what we have now. It was forehead kisses, and holding hands, and great sex, and happiness. But now look at what happened. You're just like him. Now you hate me too."

As soon as I said that I practically threw myself out the door and ran straight for my car.

I sat in the drivers seat, my face in my palms, crying. It was just like that night when Will kicked me out, and I called Emily. But now I don't have anyone to call. I ruined everything. I'm completely alone now, with nobody in my corner.

Emily POV

I felt like I couldn't breathe. I could feel the tears falling and my heart threatening to pound out of my chest, but I refused to accept what was happening. This was all my fault. If I wouldn't of gotten so defensive she'd still be here. I don't even know how to begin to fix this. I should've chased after her, begged for forgiveness. But now it's too late. She's gone and I'm alone again.

I looked at the counter where she'd left her phone and her keys. Wait... If she doesn't have her keys she can't go anywhere. I can stop her!

I dropped my bag and dashed out of the apartment, to the parking lot and searched for her car. I found it, and she must of heard me running because as soon as she looked up in my direction she got out of the car and ran the opposite direction. I eventually caught up to her, and I grabbed her wrist and turned her around.

"JJ don't walk away, don't speak. Just listen."

She tried to pry my fingers off of her and was avoiding eye contact.

"Emily please don't do this, please." She begged me, crying.

"Jennifer I love you. Please you have to forgive me for what I said. I got jealous, and I wasn't thinking straight. You know I would never intentionally hurt you. I just need to know that you love me too."

"Emily of course I love you but you have to understand I loved Will too."

"I... JJ... I don't understand why."

"Me either! Okay, I really don't. I don't understand why I feel half of the things I do! I don't know why I'm always so sad, or why things at work are bothering me, or why I feel so guilty about not being able to be there for Henry when he needs me. I don't know. But I know I love you, I'm in love with you, you just have to trust me. But right now I just need time to figure these things out." She explained.

"Please just tell me that that time doesn't have to be spent in a hotel room." I begged.

"Emily I really don't know... I just feel like we need some time apart." She said.

"Are you breaking up with me?"