You Are Jemily Fanfic

Chapter 18

Emily POV

My throat burned as I downed my second shot of alcohol, but I didn't care because it couldn't possibly hurt as bad as the heartache. I kept replaying our conversation in my head, trying to figure out where I went wrong.

"Are you breaking up with me?" I asked, dumbfounded.

"No, not yet at least... Like I said I need time to think. I love you, but I don't think I want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't support me 100%."

"JJ you know I do, I just wish that things weren't this way. I wish you could pick between me and Will."

"Emily that's ridiculous because I choose you. I'll always choose you. You know I wish I didn't have to do this but I think it's best if we think about this our own terms. Goodbye Emily."

And just like that, I handed her the keys and her phone and she walked away. We didn't even break up, we're just not sleeping in the same bed right? That's what this was. She'll come back and we can be happy again. We can get through this. I just wanted to text her, I wanted to make sure she was okay but I resisted the urge.

I hadn't eaten yet but I refrained from eating all the ice cream left in the freezer because I knew whatever I put in my stomach with the tequila wasn't going to stay down for too long.

I just needed a break from reality and the only ways I knew how to do that was to be drunk or asleep. So I poured myself another drink, and pretended that I wasn't falling apart.

I let myself go eventually, sitting in a ball on my couch, crying, screaming, wanting to punch holes in the walls I'm trapped in. It all came back in flashes. The first time I kissed her, falling asleep with her in her hospital bed, drinking coffee in the morning, her touch, her smile, her eyes, her lips. Just her. I remembered that night, my first time with her, how she'd ended up underneath me and how beautiful she looked and how amazing it was. I wanted nothing more than to hold her in my arms and kiss her, and tell her that I loved her and that I was sorry. Now I was almost afraid to fall asleep because I knew I would dream about her.

I wondered where she was, who she was with, if she was as much as a mess as I was, and I couldn't chase the thought that she was with Will and Henry, with her family who made her happier than I ever could.

It was getting late and I was exhausted, so I dragged myself to bed and fell asleep in the clothes that I'd been wearing all day, and I really didn't care.

JJ POV

I checked in at the nearest hotel and only paid for one night because I don't know how long I can spend away from her.

This was absolutely breaking me, to just walk away from her like that. After she gave me my stuff I turned away and I couldn't look back because I knew she was going to be absolutely heartbroken. But I had to do this, I knew if I didn't give her some space we'd never stop arguing.

I flopped down on the cold, stiff mattress and curled up under the comforter. I was holding myself together surprisingly well considering that today was a big day. We'd just told the team about us and now we're falling apart.

The worst part about breakups is that normally when I'm sad I'd go to Emily but I can't. She probably hates me. What if she can never forgive me for walking out like that? What if she thinks that I'm choosing Will over her by doing this? I just hope she knows that choosing him isn't even an option. He's just background noise in our relationship. Yes, he's there and he plays an important role in my life but he's not as important as Emily. I should've said that, then she would've understood. I wanted to pick up my phone to call her but I had the sinking feeling the only way I'd hear from her tonight would be from her voicemail.

I let my mind wander and before I knew it, I could barely keep my eyes open.

Emily POV

I woke up suddenly, and tried to erase the images from my dream out of my mind. I was right, I did dream about her but not in the way I thought I would. I dreamt about the times when we were just friends, when we'd first met, and when the only time we touched was when she brushed up against me on the jet or in the hallway of a precinct. Before I kissed her, before I held her in my arms. I didn't know why, but I didn't want to think about it. I wasn't going to profile myself.

Now that I was awake, my head was pounding and I was nauseous. I knew I would regret drinking so much like I always do but I was stupid enough to do it anyways.

I looked at my alarm clock, it was 6 am and I had to be at work in an hour, great.

JJ POV

As I left the hotel, I took a deep breath and reminded myself that Emily was going to be there too and that I would be okay, after all it's only one day before the weekend.

-----

I walked into the bullpen and was pleasantly surprised to see I was the first one here. I just sat down at my desk and continued work as normal.

Emily POV

I exited the elevator and walked towards the bullpen and just before I opened the glass doors, I reminded myself to not be distracted by her. But nothing could've prepared me for this moment because the second I laid eyes on her I wanted to cry. But I didn't, I put on my poker face and pretended that I was okay, and that I wasn't completely hungover.