Forsaking Lilly

Chapter Twenty Two

I got dressed for school a little less than eager. I knew down in the pits of my soul that today was going to be pretty fucked up, and not just because I went to bed late. My mind on nearly everything, I tied my hair back into a loose bun and pulled on a blue sweater.

 I knew that I had so much to think about, things that I really didn't want to dive into. Since I moved here, my life had been on the go non-stop, you'd think that it was running a marathon or late to a meeting or something. I mean, yeah, I was seventeen now, and yeah I knew I was going to have to start dealing with boys sooner or later. But I had never counted on the emotions that came with the boys, or the confusion they their emotions would bring me.

 As I pulled on my skinny jeans and tan snow boots that Ms,Loren had bought, I sighed to myself. Why couldn't I just force these guys to settle down for a moment and give me a, well deserved, break. Huffing to myself, I pulled on my backpack and headed for the kitchen. My mom had woken up early and had started making me breakfast, she figured I deserved it after my difficult date. From the smells of it, it was done now and though I was in a crappy mood, I was always in the mood to eat,

 " What's on your mind, Calla?" I slid onto the stool just as my mother pushed a plate of cheese covered scrambled eggs, three slices of bacon, grits, and two pieces of toast in front of me. I waited patiently for her to hand me a fork, and then began to attack my platter of greatness ( one side of food at a time ). My mom watched me eat, knowing from experience that as soon as I was finished with these eggs, I was going to answer her.

 " I've just been thinking about Marcus...and Cooper." I moved on to my bacon without a second thought. I waited for my mother to answer me, just as she had waited for me. I expected her to say something stupid like: me liking the boys was a good thing and that I should just get over it or something, but she surprised me.

 " Look, honey," she picked up a mug that was sitting on the counter and held it up close to her face. My mother often did this, but years ago I figured that she did it because it made her look like a mom. " I know how sudden this all is for you. I don't know if you know it, but I didn't start having boyfriends till I was your age." She sighed, her eyes falling to the counter. " I wasn't like you though, Cal, I was very shy. I didn't have many friends and I wasn't noticed much in school, and when a guy started liking me all of a sudden, I was just as shocked as can be.

 " But, I was able to get through it, and made a lot of wonderful memories, dear," she smiled at me then, and reached over to smooth back a stray hair of mine. " It's hard for you right now honey, but I'm sure this will all turn out great."

 I wanted to believe that so badly, but as I ate my food and thought more on the situation, I wasn't so sure. For one, I had mixed emotions. I knew for a fact that I had feelings for Cooper, but I also knew that they weren't as strong as the ones that I was getting for Marcus. Cooper made me smile, made me laugh, made me feel warm inside. But, Marcus chilled me to the bone, made me want him, made me blush, made my knees shake. I kept telling myself that it was too soon to feel this way, but after last night I wondered if it really was.

 I had just finished off my toast when I heard a car pulling up the gravel driveway. " It's Cooper," I sighed and my mom reached over to pat my hand.

 " Good luck honey," she sighed, " I know that whatever you choose will be for the best." I grunted at her, and stared down at the grits that were left on my plate. I wanted to finish them, badly, but I knew I had no time. I sighed, standing from the stool so that I could kiss my mom on the cheek and then went outside to get in the truck with Cooper. From where I stood on the porch, I couldn't get a good read on his expression, especially since he had his face turned away from me. I sucked in my fear of getting any closer and started to head to the truck. Hopefully, he wasn't still mad about last night, but I knew that it was more likely that he was.