Forsaking Lilly

Chapter Twenty Six

My walk back home was very stiff. My head was swamped with so much confusion that it was a struggle for me not to start tearing my hair out. I didn't know how much more of Marcus I could take. For Pete's sake, he stole my first kiss! I loathed him for the way he confused me, but as I walked I wondered why I could still remember the feel of his lips.

I was happy when I stepped into the familiar backyard of my own home. There were no words to describe how happy I was that I was able to navigate myself around the woods, and that I was away from Marcus. Note to self: Going over to Marcus's house is a bad idea. Now that I was away from him, I wondered what the hell I was thinking. I should have never allowed myself to be so close to him in the first place. Maybe him kissing me was my own fault, I should have made sure he understood my boundaries. What sense did it make that I could assert myself with Cooper, but not with the guy that I don't trust.

As I walked around the side of the house, I tried to focus on the sound of my feet crunching on the crisp, fallen leaves. I didn't want to think about what happened with Marcus anymore, every thought of him that entered my head made me sick. By the time I made it around the house I held my head in my hands, an exhausted expression hanging over my face.

Desperately hoping my mother was home, I casted a look over to our parking awning. I almost cried out in joy as I saw her Buick, shimmering at me teasingly. I almost ran towards the front door, but I settled for a slow jog so that I didn't appear desperate. I stomped up the porch steps with thoughts of a warm bath, a good book, and a nap maybe.

My fist banged against the door with a mind of their own. I was so ready to be inside that I almost ignored the sting of the iron flowers against my flesh. It felt like it took forever for my mother to answer the door, but it didn't matter anymore when she let me inside. My mom stepped aside for me to enter and I rushed for the kitchen before she could even speak.

The first thing I wanted was something to eat. I didn't know why I was so hungry, but I was. Seeing this, my mother didn't stop me from pulling out the ingredients necessary to make pasta. Instead, she sat on the stool and place her head upon her hand. She looked younger like that, especially since her hair hung heavy around her shoulders the way it did. As I placed water on the stove to boil, I felt a tingling on the back of my neck that told me that she was staring at me.

" What is it, mom," I asked, keeping my voice quiet and as controlled as I could. I knew that my nerves were bad, and I didn't want to alert my mom that something had happened. I definitely didn't want her to know that I had my first kiss either.

I turned around, slightly, to look at her and found her staring at me quietly. After a little longer, she raised a brow and opened her mouth. " Where were you," she asked a blank expression on her face. I couldn't decipher what she was thinking or whether or not she was suspicious. I wasn't sure what I would tell her, but I knew that the truth was out of the question. Swallowing down the metallic taste in my throat, I blinked at her and gathered up the lie I was going to tell her.

" I went out for a walk and got a little lost." I tried to lie as smoothly as possible, but I'm not sure if I sounded truthful. So, I turned around as quickly as I could and focused back on my food. Thankfully, my mother said nothing and I returned back to my food. My mother didn't challenge what I said, instead she just sat there until the food was done.

We ate quietly at the counter, neither of us having anything to say to the other. My mind was back in Marcus's living room, the one place I never wanted to be again. I couldn't stop asking myself what I was thinking. I tried to tell myself that he had surprised me, but that didn't work. I had noticed he was kissing me, yet I sat there. Sure I tried to pull away, but I didn't protest when he pushed back. I shook my head, no longer hungry. " I'm going to bed mom," I muttered as I went to put my plate in the sink.