four walls (breathe out)

chapter ten: four walls

TYLERS FOUR walls aren't neon. Each one is a shade of white covered in a million words, letters in a deep red.

The dresser, the bed, the closet and the desk all a pure black. Josh is terrified.

"The writing, it's mine. My dark thoughts, my fear, my sadness. Anytime I think too much, anytime I want to die, I write."

Josh's eyes shoot to Tyler's, wide.

"She told you everything, right?" The scared boy nods.

Tyler looks away, his eyes trailing over all the interior.

"You can read them." He says, not making eye contact. Josh slowly walks away, approaching the closest wall.

Several different things are written at once, each time the wall is filled he writes over the words with fresh ones. Josh tries his best to decode it.

I hope they choke on smoke, death inspires me, just beyond our ocean graves, I ponder of something terrifying, I begin to understand, can you drown me? 

Josh traces the word, tears prickling at his eyes.

The most recent and readable passage makes his heart stop.

Failing miserably, drastically and then I crash dramatically
Into a wall I've hit a hundred times before
And yet I still ignore the dark red blood stains on the floor
And I'm back in front of you, Lord, with the blood on the floor
Is the blood mine or yours? Don't wanna do this anymore

He looks back at Tyler who refuses to look up from the floor. Josh moves to a different wall.

we're killing ourselves just to get to the top, I know it's selfish of me to say, T'S uncrossed and i's undotted, you should take my life you should take my soul

"My favorite," Tyler starts shakily, catching Josh's attention. "Is right above my bed. The newest coat." Josh approaches the bed, looking at the words with a heart not beating.

You see a man free who thinks he has to buy a key
To a door but he can't 'cause he's poor and he can't
Fall down anymore 'cause he's already on the floor
And his heart is broken and all and this is his scar
But it's warm from crying 'cause he will try nine times
To realize nine crimes but he has more than nine lives
So he picks himself up and keeps climbing for the prize again

He wants to cry, he wants to wrap Tyler up in a blanket and take away every thought he's ever had.

Turning to Tyler slowly, Josh chokes back tears.

Tyler's body is visibly shaking, his eyes shut as he waits for Josh to react.

Josh reacts by pulling the boy into a warm hug. As soon as his body hits Josh's chest he sobs. His finger nails rake into the back of his nice button up, his tears sliding down the collar and alongside Josh's collar bones.

"God Ty," Josh says through his silent tears. "I'm so sorry. You don't deserve any of this. It's so so horrible." Tyler continues to cry and it's not for a while that he stops.

By time the tears dry up they're sitting against Tyler's bed, Josh holding the boy on his lap, one leg on either side of his hips.

"Joshua?" He hears the small boy mutter from where his face is tucked in the crook of the red haired boys neck.

"Yeah?"

"You're not gonna leave are you?" Josh laughs half heartedly.

"Never. You got me Ty, you got me."