Alex's Nirvana

Nirvana

Of course I jumped in his way, obviously I did. What else would I do? Couldn’t I have just yelled “idiot! Get out of the damn way!” oh wait, I did, but the dumbass didn’t move. He was going to get hit by a car, no matter how mad I am at him, I couldn’t just stand there and watch him die and bleed out right in front of me. The mere thought of having to put up with the constant pain throbbing in my heart every single day for the rest of my life as a reminder that I let him die made me want to kill myself instead.
So I jumped, I pushed him out of the way, and as a result I am now sprawled across the road with my face buried in the pavement. I can feel every single inch of my skin burn wildly, I can also feel pain in multiple areas of my body but nothing compares to the relief that flooded over me when I heard him scream my name, at least I know he’s okay.
I want to scream, I want to cry out because I feel like my body has just burst into flames, every single inch of me hurts, specifically my head and my stomach. But I don’t scream and cry, mainly because I can’t, and partially because the relief acts as a fire distinguisher that tames the flames and dulls down the pain but doesn’t completely put it out.
“Nirvana, Wake up!” he yells demandingly, I swear I want to but it’s like I can’t. I can feel everything, I can hear everything, I can smell everything, but I can’t open my eyes or get myself to move.
“Holy crap, someone call 911 right now!” Alex yells and I hear a woman’s voice say ‘okay’ then I hear someone dial three numbers.
Alex holds me in his arms, I know that because I feel electricity rush through me the second his skin meets mine. He keeps on repeating three words, first he repeats “please don’t die.” but after a while he starts repeating three other words that I never thought I’d hear out of him ever.
“I love you” he whispers as he presses his face into my hair, maybe he’s taking comfort in my scent, he always used to say that I have my own personal scent that follows me around, I always thought that was absurd because I never pick  up any scents when I smell my hair or my skin.
Am I going to die? I start thinking about it, how tragic would it be if I died right now, if this was the last crazy, stupid, and reckless thing that I did. I never thought I’d die by pushing someone out of harm’s way, by taking the bullet for someone else. I always thought I’d die because of a disease or maybe even a plane crash or a gunshot wound.
I still have too much to live for, there are so many things that I want to do, but it’s not like that decision is resting in the palm of my tiny hands.
At least if I die, I’d die a hero, right?  I sacrificed myself for someone that I loved. I can’t shake the terrible reminder in my mind that the last thing I did to him, before pushing him out of the way, was yell at him and fight about things that seem so meaningless right now. Obviously he won’t hold that fight against me, I saved that assholes life, and he better idolize me and praise me for the rest of my life.
Now that I think about it, he might not be idolizing me for that long, from the looks of it; my life is slipping right out of my reach. I feel lightheaded and dizzy, like my head is spinning round and round. The idea of sleeping seems perfect right now but I don’t want to sleep, I fear that if I sleep now I won’t ever wake up again.
I hear sirens appear in the distance, Alex only tightens his grip around me and holds me tighter than he did before, hurting my already broken ribcage. I try and hold onto this feeling. As painful as it is; I try and hold onto the feeling of being in his arms one last time before I am pulled away by the paramedics.