Alex's Nirvana

Alex

Nirvana and I are being rushed to the hospital in the same vehicle; the paramedics didn’t even look twice at me after seeing nirvanas state. I don’t blame them; I don’t want to be treated until I know she is okay.
I grab her hand and don’t let go, even when the paramedics cut her shirt in two and most of her body is exposed, I focus on her delicate hand that looks paler than usual.
The paramedics ask me some questions, I try and lie my way through them because I don’t want to tell them why she got knocked over by a car that was supposed to hit  me, I don’t want to let them know that  she stole my fate from me and gave me a chance to rewrite a new ending. I just hope and pray that her fate isn’t settled, I’d like to think the odds are in her favor but it’s hard to do that what she is bleeding out profusely from her abdomen.
We reach the hospital, I’m still holding onto her hand desperately, unwilling to let go but I have to when they rush her out in a gurney and push her through the automatic sliding doors, I run after them and watch as they rush her into a closed room labeled as “trauma room 1” where I hear a lot of bickering.
It’s like she’s a million puzzle pieces scattered all over the place and each doctor is trying to figure out how to solve her and put her back together the fastest way possible.
I want to run into her room and tell them all to stop yelling at each other and work on her but a young doctor pulls me away to a hospital bed in the trauma area and tells me to sit still as she quickly examines me then calls a nurse with dark brown eyes and short red hair and tells her to page neuro.
I keep on looking at the door that is separating me from nirvana, I don’t want this to be the last time I ever hold her or the last time I tell  her that I love her or the last time I fuck up and she saves me.
“is she your friend?” the doctor asks as she puts stitches on my hand, I didn’t even notice it was cut or even bleeding until she numbed my arm and started poking a needle through it.
“She is.” I answer, I mean she is much more than that but we never really dated, we both thought about it, I guess, but she’s more of a best friend that you are hopelessly in love with and you end up marrying than just a girlfriend. Honestly, when I think about it, the term ‘girlfriend’ will never be enough to describe nirvana. I can’t categorize her into anything because she is a whole other category on her own, it’s like there are friends, best friends, girlfriends, soul mates, love of my life, the one, and then there is nirvana.
“I heard she pushed you out of the way and took the hit, she must really care about you.” I don’t understand why she is making small talk, can’t she see that my main priority right now is nirvana, not chit chatting with someone I most likely won’t ever see again.
“Yeah, she’s one hell of a superhero.” I answer back, still not in the mood of talking.
I almost jump out of my skin when I see the door burst open and I watch helplessly as they push nirvanas body out on a gurney and head for the elevators, I’m assuming they are heading to an operating room.
“Where are they taking her?” I shout, I feel a rush of panic and fear flood through me, I know where they are taking her but I need confirmation, I need someone to talk me through this. I want to help them fix her puzzle; I don’t want to watch from the sidelines, completely lost and clueless.
“They are taking her to surgery.” The doctor answers as she finishes up my stitches and puts the needle away just in time, an older looking male doctor walks up to me and starts examining me as well.
I’m fine, don’t they get it? I am fine. I need to be updated on nirvanas state not examined repeatedly.
The doctor sticks this light in my eyes and looks at me curiously.
“He seems fine, but take him up for a quick scan anyway.” The doctor mutters.
He probably thinks I’m unappreciative and suicidal, I guess he is right, I kind of am suicidal and unappreciative but I am not unappreciative when it comes to nirvana. The suicidal part is debatable though, it’s not like I constantly think of killing myself, there are just some moments where I feel like this world would be better off without me, I know nirvana would be better off without me, I just can’t bear to look at all the damage I’ve done.