MELODY (Book 1) ✓

Chapter 30 (Breathing Spell)

"Why are you back so soon?"

"Because I had to come," Akram gave me a sideways glance and answered simply as we walked down the sidewalk after work.

Sunlight was fading in the late summer afternoon, but I couldn't care less about what was happening in the universe. Everything around us was a huge mishmash - people, cars, concrete and street noises kneaded together into one unimportant lump.

The only important component was our entwined hands, as we strolled unhurriedly through the haze that once was the famous Manhattan. Something was strangely new. It seemed as if Akram's hand had its own entity and I could feel it in details; his pulse beating on my fingers, the heat radiating from his skin, the softness of his touch and the gentle pressure as his fingers enveloped mine, the current flowing through his thumb which stroked my skin . I mean, we held hands before, but now it felt more imperative, more urgent after being apart for so long. I think I was the one who cleaved to his hand like a lost child.

I'd missed Akram like heaven and earth combined and I just realized this fact when he finally graced my world with his return.

Another stupid impulse haunted me at the moment. I wanted to embrace him, melt into him and never let go. His hand was a soothing cure, a sliver of sunlight warming my cold fingers and the delightful buzz it sent out never abated.

If his hand only has this effect on me, I wonder how his arms around me would feel like!

Immediately, I bit my lips hard, shaking off the idea. That was wrong. It was ridiculous to surrender to this kind of thought. I shouldn't be so selfish and burden him with my attachment issues. He came all the way back and I didn't want to act all clingy and run him away.

"But why? School starts at the end of the month." I whispered again. I knew I sounded like an annoying little kid, but I was curious. I needed reassurance that he wouldn't just disappear again.

"You didn't want me to come back?" He tilted his head, watching me with furrowed brows. I hoped I didn't hurt his feelings because what I meant was completely the opposite.

"Of course I did!" I blurted, a warm blush soaking my cheeks  "I, uh! I just don't know why you took so much trouble."

"I think last night was enough." His frown disappeared and a compassionate look touched his eyes.

"Oh, I'm so sorry for bugging you last night. I was being such a baby."

Akram skidded to a halt and turned to look at me, his eyebrows shooting up. "No. Mel, you can always ask me for anything." He grabbed both of my hands, facing me with an intense expression. "I almost jumped in the car and drove back here last night. The only problem was that I did't know your address."

Glancing up at him, my heart sank at the mention of my address. His face was conflicted and full of concern, but the sincerity of his words made my stomach clench. His steady tone sounded like he meant every syllable he spoke, only I knew I didn't deserve this kindness.

I should tell him! I know I should tell him! But how? And when? I'll just freak him out. Oh God! I can't take his reaction if I told him!

"I wouldn't have told you though. I'm Sorry." My heart thudded at the turn of the conversation. My screwed up life at the shelter was a restricted area and I hated myself for keeping everything a secret. All he did was to be an open book and I had been as closed off as a dark dungeon. However, even if I told him about the shelter, I wouldn't find the courage to tell him about the darkest parts of my past.  If he survived this one he wouldn't survive the other. It's unforgivable. I was an unholy closed book that was better not to be opened.