We had somehow ended up on Gerard's bed upstairs. And no, we weren't having sex. We were lying on it, staring up at the ceiling with his arm around me and his free hand holding one of mine.
"What's going to happen now?" I felt tired from crying and no matter how dire the situation was, I couldn't help but feel relaxed in his arms.
"I haven't the faintest intimation." His voice was soft and silky in my ear. The thumb on the hand holding mine started stroking the back of it. "It does seem apparent that we are a bit stuck."
"That's putting it lightly." I muttered, "Why are we only just thinking about this?"
He didn't answer straight away. Instead, he just continued to stroke my hand in silence before saying, "Perhaps it was not something we wished to acknowledge. The elephant in the room as such."
That made sense. There was a possibility we could continue sneaking around. I didn't know about him but I wasn't really enjoying doing that. I didn't want to be his dirty, little secret. Also, something was yelling in the back of my head that we could be caught sooner or later.
Hang on, what was I talking about? We had already been caught. And now this person was blackmailing Gerard which was why he hadn't been sleeping.
"This isn't fair." I moved slightly so I could look up at him, "Why are you the only one who could end up in trouble? I'm just as much in this relationship as you are."
"It is just the way things are." He looked worn out, his eyes half closed. They lacked their usual brightness. I didn't like it.
I watched as he just looked at me, his eyes roaming all over my face. I didn't feel insecure at all.
"Would it be possible to confide something in you, Frank?" He asked after a minute or so of silence.
I just nodded, intrigued in what he had to say. He had already said that he loved me. And yes, I was still feeling elated after hearing that.
"Frank," He moved his hand from mine to stroke my cheek lightly, "You captivate me. Intensely. You invariably have. I would like you to know that my feelings will not in any way alter no matter what happens."
It was supposed to be soothing but it made me feel kind of anxious. The way he was talking, it was like he was preparing me for the worst. Well, it was in his nature to be dramatic. Still, it made me feel on edge slightly.
"Nothing bad will happen... right?"
His hand slowly dropped onto my chest and I stared down at it, waiting for him to reassure me.
He didn't reply which meant I wasn't put at ease. "Gerard...?" I turned again to look at him.
I almost wasn't surprised to see his eyes closed. He had been on the verge of sleep almost all afternoon. I liked to think that my presence had calmed him enough for him to drop off.
I watched him for a little while, not being able to stop smiling at the beautiful man. I loved him so fucking much.
After a while, I decided to leave him to it. My mom was probably wondering where the fuck I was. I didn't even know what time it was.
It took me longer than usual to get up as I was trying not to disturb him. He needed to sleep.
When I had successfully gotten up without waking him and was standing next to the bed, I leant down to kiss him on the forehead.
His hair was beyond help anymore. It almost looked like he had put his finger in a plug socket; the black strands standing straight up against the pillow. His shirt was half unbuttoned, a coffee stain down one side. He was a hot mess. Hot being the paramount word.
I checked my phone to see that it was after seven. Not too late but my mom would argue. Especially on a school night. There were three unread messages and two missed calls from her. I sent her a quick reply and apology, promising I'd be home soon.
I also decided to leave Gerard a note, picking up a piece of paper that was on the floor and looking for a pen. I found one on his dresser and scribbled down, "went home. love you - Frank".
I switched the light off on my way out the room. When the door was closed, I made a detour to the bathroom to empty my bladder and then was about to head downstairs when I noticed the mysterious room that always had its door closed. Gerard had never showed me it but I assumed it belonged to his daughter.
My curiosity got the better of me and I tip-toed past Gerard's room to open the door. The room was slightly smaller than his and it looked completely different. I was almost shocked. Compared to the rest of his house, which was full of clutter and didn't look properly moved into, this room was tidy and decorated.
There was a bed with a guard attached to it; probably to make sure the little girl didn't fall off. Across from it, there was a light pink dresser and a matching small desk next to it. On top of the desk were some pencils, a sketchbook with a picture of a cat on it, and a small pile of children's comics. White curtains were on the window and the bedspread matched it.
There were a pile of teddies at the end of the bed and the whole room was just so sweet and it made me smile. Gerard cared so much about his daughter. There was no way he could leave her. She deserved him more than me. I was an idiot for thinking that he would even consider leaving her.
I closed the door again and finally went downstairs. It took me about five minutes to find his front door key. It was hidden under a pile of comics on the coffee table in the living room.
After opening the door and going out, making sure I had my bag and jacket, I locked it again and shoved the key through the letterbox.
I thought about everything on the walk home and by the time I was walking down the path to my house, I'd made my decision. Gerard was better off without me.
