Waking up next to him a couple of hours later was definitely both gratifying and sad at the same time. I found myself holding onto his torso a little tighter just to make the most of it. I didn't want to let go.
It was all too much. I just kept telling myself that it was only a few months; they would fly by. That was until I realised that I had a whole other year yet until I actually left school. It didn't mean shit that I'd be eighteen if I was still at school. Again, I entertained the idea of dropping out but I knew I wouldn't.
So that meant it was over a year and a half until our relationship would be accepted and even then, people would probably question how long it had been going on for. So that meant maybe another year or so of laying low. I was basically looking to be twenty then. Fuck, this sucked.
One of Gerard's hands moved from my back, into my hair and started fiddling with it. The change in his breathing told me that he was awake and I almost pretended I wasn't just so it would last longer.
"Good morning. Wait..." His voice was rough and heavy from sleep, "I do believe it is in fact, afternoon. My apologies. Good afternoon."
I chuckled lightly. "Afternoon." As soon as I said it, the enormity of everything hit me and my smile faded. I was glad that he couldn't see my face.
It was silent; as if he was thinking exactly the same thing. As soon as he spoke agin, I knew he had been. "I suppose... The best scenario now is to move on... Heaven knows how I will manage it."
I closed my eyes again in anguish and held myself even closer to him. "I hate this."
"As do I." He sighed, "We both sadly know the repercussions."
Fucking repercussions.
It was time to finally give in and learn to deal with it all. It was time to stop whining like a bitch and just get on with it. Sure, it was going to hurt like hell seeing him every day and not being able to do anything about it but that was how it was.
With this new found resilience in mind, I reluctantly sat up and turned to look at him. I could tell my face portrayed exactly how I felt and there was no way I could hide it.
His expression dropped as soon as he saw mine. "Oh, Frank." He sat up and wrapped his arms around me.
I rested my head against his shoulder and sighed. Fuck it all.
"It will all be middling. My dramatic nature is rubbing off on you." He chuckled lightly, trying to keep it on a lighter tone.
We sat like that for a short while: his arms around me and my head resting on his shoulder. I was pretty content just sitting there but I knew that the longer I did, the harder it would be to go. So I eventually pulled away again and attempted to smile at him even though it fucking hurt.
"This is the last time we say bye like this, okay?" I decided, "I can't go through this over and over again."
He was nodding before I'd finished speaking. "But of course. I would hate to send any anguish your way." He cleared his throat slightly. "Not to mention how much it pains myself..."
That was enough for me. I got out of the bed and started getting dressed, trying to distract myself so I couldn't admit that it was actually happening.
I heard him get up as well but I kept my back to him. I was really willing myself not to cry.
His arms snaked round my waist and that really didn't help. I stopped buttoning up my jeans and relaxed into his embrace.
"We will see each other every day." He reminded me, his mouth by my ear, "Soon we will be together again, I promise, my darling."
Fucking hell, he wasn't helping at all. "Gerard..." My voice sounded small and strange, "I know you mean well but you're making this harder."
His arms dropped from around me. "My apologies."
I turned to face him again. He really looked so forlorn that I felt like breaking down. "It's fine. You just..." I shook my head with a smile, tears already blurring my vision. "I fucking love you so much."
He actually looked like he was going to cry as well as he smiled at what I'd said. For maybe the last time for a while, he cupped my cheek with his right hand and pressed his lips lightly to mine. When he pulled away again, he whispered, "I care deeply and love you so very much, Frank. Never forget that."
Fucking end me.
I couldn't hold it in after that. I threw my arms around him and let the tears flow. I had cried so much lately; I wasn't used to it.
I knew we were dragging this out but I was sure that anyone else would in our situation. I almost wished this whole thing had never begun just because it hurt so fucking much. Although, I would take a second with Gerard over that any day.
When the crying was more or less over, I noticed him wipe his eyes once or twice as well, I finished getting dressed and he led me downstairs. It occurred to me as I was walking down that I probably wouldn't see the inside of this house for a while now. I didn't like that very much.
Gerard was only wearing his pyjama bottoms and having his chest on show wasn't helping the situation either, for fuck's sake.
We turned to face each other when we made it to the front door.
Gerard laughed nervously. "We are behaving as if we will never encounter one another again."
I smirked in agreement. "I know... We need to sort our shit out."
"I would not have used those particular words but I do agree." He nodded before reaching out his arms.
I gratefully accepted the gesture and hugged him back firmly. I was getting that tight feeling in my chest again and it wasn't welcome. I could tell that it wasn't going to go anywhere anytime soon.
I knew I could have stayed in that hug forever so it was probably a good thing when Gerard finally pulled away. I wouldn't have been able to.
He kissed my head and whispered, "Stay on top of your classes and if you ever need me, you know where I reside."
I nodded, not wanting this to be dragged out any longer because I knew I wouldn't be able to handle it. "I love you, Gerard Way." I hoped my attempt at a smile was actually decent.
He smiled a sad smile back. "I love you, Frank Iero."
Hearing the front door slowly shut behind me when I had finally left was the worst part. I found it hard to resist the urge to turn and look back but I wasn't going to make it any harder on myself than it had to be. It was already hard enough.
The walk home actually helped a little. It gave me a chance to think everything over and at least try to convince myself that it was for the best. I was really hoping that the person who had been blackmailing Gerard would stop now but I couldn't be sure. It wasn't like I could ask now either. I was now just his student again. We were pretending nothing had happened. Well, at school anyway.
I would never forget the months I had spent with that man. They were the best ones of my entire life and yes, that was cheesy but it was true.
---
Look at me updating even though the first day back at college was shit :)
Heads up:
This story will be concluding shortly.
aLSO:
I am eighteen in literally a day fuck me.
-Beth
