I woke up to a shitty feeling in my chest and a headache. Just a bit different to waking up in Gerard's arms feeling an overpowering sense of happiness. I fucking hated it.
Obviously, I briefly contemplated skipping school but there wasn't any point. My mom was already sick of my shit and my teachers were at the "if there is something wrong you need to speak to us" stage. I was really behind on all of my work. To be perfectly honest, I didn't see myself graduating this year.
The whole "trying not to overly care about Gerard" plan was already going down the crap hole. He was the first person I thought about when I woke up and yeah, it was pretty hard to try and think about anything else after that. Especially when he was the best fucking thing that had ever happened to me.
Blah blah blah, Frank's being soppy. Yeah, okay, I was. Tough shit, really, because that was how he made me feel.
He made me feel like I was walking on air (cliche) and also like maybe life was worth living after all. Falling in love during high school had never been apart of my original plan but I really couldn't see myself any differently now. I was seventeen years old and I'd experienced a proper relationship with both physical and emotional aspects. Sure, it was hidden from everyone but that didn't mean that it didn't matter.
I liked to think that I had made an affect on Gerard's life and I knew that he cared about me. I just wished things were different.
I wasn't sure or not if I wanted this whole thing changed and so none of it had happened in the first place just to save all of this heartache. But then again, I didn't want to change the good moments. There had been so many.
The only thing I could think to do was to get on with life and actually focus on school so I could leave as soon as possible. Redoing a year was not an option. I didn't want to add more time onto my sentence.
The walk to school fucking dragged and I was already going back to my life hating attitude. It was going to be a long couple of years.
By the time I was finally walking through the doors into drama, my eyes instantly settled on Gerard's desks and on him sat behind it. I instantly felt better which, in itself, made me feel worse.
He looked a little more presentable. Compared to the day before anyway. He had finally shaved and showered by the looks of it. He was even wearing a full suit with a waistcoat and everything like he used to. I was glad that he was starting to look after himself again.
His chirpy exterior was almost completely back as well and the class had a better atmosphere because of it. Maybe things were going to be okay. Obviously not completely but maybe a little better than I had originally thought.
Watching him as he enthusiastically spoke about a play lifted my spirits a lot and at that moment, I didn't care that the situation was shitty and that I hated everything. I was just bulled over as usual by how inspiring he was. I had almost forgotten how much of a good teacher he was. That was what had started this whole thing in the first place. Why did he have to be so charming?
I half paid attention. I was a bit busy trying to work out how I was supposed to spend the next year and a half listening to him without getting a stupid feeling in my chest. I hadn't even thought about where I was supposed to go for my free lesson now. Fuck, this sucked.
I didn't pack my stuff up slowly or hang around so I was the last one to leave like usual. I left with some of the first people and Willow smiled at me as I passed. We hadn't talked properly for weeks, excluding the occasional "how are you"s. I had obviously had my mind somewhere else and to be honest, she had been annoying me. She had recently acquired a new boyfriend and it was all she talked about.
The last time Willow and I had spoke had been two weeks ago when she suggested to set me up with one of her friends so we could all go on a double date. No thank you.
So, since then, I admit that I had been avoiding talking to her.
I had already decided that the best thing to do was to keep my head low and just get on with catching up with work. Friends were a novelty that I didn't need.
As soon as German had finished, I headed up to the library. Yeah, I know, strange.
The shit ton of work I had to do was honestly, completely off-putting. There wasn't much else I could do though. It had been my fault that I hadn't been focussing or even showing up to lessons.
Halfway through some English work, something caught my attention. I overheard something happening at the table next to mine.
Some kid had come into the library seconds before and I hadn't really given him a second glance. That was until I heard him speaking to some of his friends next to me, "Guys, you gotta come see this."
"What?" Someone had replied.
"I think someone's gonna get arrested. The cops have shown up."
I frowned down at my work but my curiosity got the better of me and I packed up my stuff before following them down to the campus.
A lot of students were showing up and joining the already growing crowd. I had to push my way through to see what was happening. Fuck my height. When I finally made it near to the front, my eyes widened.
The cops were here.
---
Brace yourselves.
-Beth
