Blue

12

twelfth // the first month of disappearance // the guy

"so...i heard what happened." my friend, justin said suddenly. and even though i wasn't looking at him, i could feel his eyes staring at me. wondering once again, if i would speak up about it. about the girl, that i've been loving secretly for almost a year now.

but i didn't.  i never did. it just hurts thinking about it. and speaking it aloud would only make matters worse. surely, i would surely cry if i do.

knowing that i wouldn't say anything to him again, he saighed deeply as he put his fork down the table. his shoulders limped in defeat. he'd been trying to make me talk about it for a long time now. and a month after, i still haven't said anything about her.

a month.

they should have found her already by now. people said she's already dead. people said to just give up the search. people said to just move on. but words are nothing but mere thoughts. trying to destroy us. trying to destroy the hoping. trying to destroy the loving. trying to destroy the waiting.  and we can't do anything to shield ourselves from them. her family couldn't do anything to shield themselves. so we just had to face it.

"what is your problem." justin said as he picks up his spoon once again.

i snap my head at him, look at him in annoyance. he was the only one who knew. "what is my problem?" i snapped. "what do you think is my problem, justin? i'm losing the girl i love. it's been a month and she must be dead for all i know! they should've found her already! so what do you think is my problem? i still have a lot of things i wanted to tell her. so many, fucking things! she still don't know. she still don't know anything."

he looked sorry. i stood up. and he looked guilty. he was the only one who knew. the only one. not even her. not even giselle blue.