Blue

13

13 // the guy

"troy. troy wait up." i kept walking. my footsteps vibrating on the earth below. i didn't want to hear his apology once again. he knew how much i didn't want to talk about it. it was all over the news after it happened. a seventeen year old girl went missing after taking a walk in the seaside. justin knew i didn't want nothing but to forget about it.

giselle was annoying but lovable at the same time. she was a mixed breed. she was the sun and the rain, the heat and the cold. when she helped catherine from nadine taht day i knew she was different. just saying all those words was already putting their friendship in danger. she was always doing things and not knowing that she was risking a lot of things by doing so. 

giselle was the only one who would suddenly disappear in the middle of the school year, comes back after three weeks and disappears again shortly. she always keeps on making things difficult, never knowing when to put on the brakes. in a game of hide and seek, she always thought everyone was her seeker. 

"troy i'm sorry." justin said as he soon caught up. "i just wanted to know what happened, troy. i just want to hear it from you. you know, you almost speaks about nothing else but giselle whenever we're together, but im not getting that from you right now." 

"this is different, don't you get it? i should've known that this would happen, what with her sudden disappearances this past year, she was almost always gone. it shouldn't have surprised a lot of people actually, it was good her family even realised that she hasn't been coming back."

i just wanted to forget the memories of her smiles, of her laughters and the memory of her crying when her bestfriend got mad at her and broke their friendship. i was there. i heard the crying and i saw catherine in a corner. i walked past her, as if i wasn't someone who was in love of her bestfriend,  and saw a part of her blonde hair, i knew it was giselle. and then i stopped in a place where catherine couldn't see me but could still provide me the sound of giselle's crying. god, even the sound of her cry was beautiful.

"you know..." he continued as i stare at him.

i could imagine her. her pale body lying in the dry earth. somewhere. somewhere i couldn't find. somewhere we couldn't find. her face limped sidewards without any signs of living. her hands opened freely. the other one above her stomach, and the one lying in the dirt. i couldn't stop thinking about it. and the tears started to form in my eyes, blurring my vision. justin's face was blurred.

"you can't run away forever, troy. i know how much you love her."

sometimes, i wish i didn't love her. sometimes i think it would have been better if i hadn't met her. sometimes i think it would have been better like that.

"but if you really love her, what are you doing now to help her? nobody said she's dead, they said probably."