Things To Say Before I Go

Chapter 16: Nate

"Honey, I'm being honest, I'm just relieved you have a job," my mother said, grabbing my hand in a jokingly affectionate way. 

"Ha ha, very funny, Mom," I said sarcastically. 

I was sitting with her as she and a couple of the other residents were sitting around watching Family Feud. I watched as contestant after contestant failed to get the last answer on the board. I always thought the people on game shows looked stupid with the things they said. 

My mom drew herself away from the TV during a commercial to ask, "So, where's your friend?" 

"I'm not sure," I said, shrugging. "I called her a couple of times, but she didn't answer and she hasn't returned any of my calls. It's strange. Very unlike her." 

My mother shook her head. "Well, I'm a good judge of character, and she doesn't seem to me to be the kind of girl that would just start ignoring you. There has to be a reason." 

We sat quietly watching the TV for a couple of minutes. Then, my mom took a deep breath and started to say something when one of the attendees turned the TV off and announced that it was time for lunch. 

"Can it wait for a minute, Mom?" I asked. "We should really go get something to eat." 

She sighed, nodded and proceeded to go to the kitchen to grab something from the fridge. We sat at one of the green tables in the bleak kitchen. 

"Work is good?" she asked, unwrapping the plastic wrap off a ham and cheese sandwich. 

"Yeah, for the most part," I said, shrugging as I dug into a cup of pudding. My mother rolled her eyes and sighed again. "What?" I asked, expecting the sarcastic comment to come. 

"Are you ever going to be satisfied with a job, Nate? Isn't making money enough for you? You're never happy with the jobs you end up with." 

I ate another spoonful of pudding. "That's my point, Mom. I 'end up' with these jobs. I never really go after them. None of them make me truly happy. I just end up settling. I don't want that anymore." 

"Well then, what is going to make you happy?" she asked, making it sound like I was looking for something insane. I paused. As usual, I didn't have an answer to this question. "Does the girl make you happy? Jess, right?" 

I smiled as she asked the question. She did make me happy. In fact, I thought to myself, she's the only reason I've been surviving at my job because I get to look at her everyday out the window and whenever we go out, that vision of her goes from a vision to a reality. That made me happy. 

"Yeah, she does make me happy," I answered, more confident than I had been about anything in months. 

I saw my mother smile. "Well, if that's the case, don't let her go," she said, grabbing my hand and squeezing it. "I may not be around forever and you'll need someone-" but I stopped her there. 

"Mom, you're fine. Trust me, I understand what you're saying, but it's not something to worry about at this very moment." 

She sighed and gently squeezed again. "I only hope you're right, sweetheart."

*********************************

Back at my apartment, Mark and I were talking about something we saw on TV when I got a phone call. I checked the caller ID, but didn't recognize the number. 

"Hello?" I asked, picking up the receiver. 

"Nate? It's Kelsey. Have you heard from Jess?" She sounded somewhat panicked.