Things To Say Before I Go

Chapter 22: Nate

I grabbed the sign off the window, expecting that by now Jess had seen it. It was good having her back and these past couple of weeks felt like we were getting back to where we were before she left. I was staring out the window, thinking, when Jack came over. 

"Thinking about her, huh?" 

I snapped out of it and turned to him. "Yeah. Well her and a couple of other things that have been weighing on my mind." 

"Like what?" he asked, pulling up an empty chair. 

"Well," I sighed. "I don't know why, but I've felt recently that the city is not my kind of place anymore. I was thinking that I could move out to a quieter area and move my mom out there so that she wouldn't feel so cramped here in the city. I don't know." 

Jack was taking all of it in. "And are you thinking of asking her to come with you?" I looked back out the window. Jess was back at her desk talking to Kelsey about something in a Manila folder on her desk. Would I ask Jess to come with me? Could I?

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"Stop it, you ass!" 

I threw another piece of cheese at her. "You're going to get us kicked out of here!" She barely moved enough so that it didn't get stuck in her hair. 

"Okay, fine," I said, breathing quickly from laughing so hard. 

We were once again dining at Pedro's. It started to become a habit. I sat back in my chair and took a long drink from my soda. 

"So how's it been being back at your old job?" 

She swallowed the piece of pizza in her mouth and said, "Not bad. Loving the fact that I don't have to stare at Melanie's bitch face anymore." 

She told me that Nancy was a much better manager and that she and Kelsey talked it out and everything was good between the two of them. "That's good to hear. I'm happy you're back to work." 

"Yeah," she agreed, taking a sip of water. "It gives me something to do besides spend money I don't have on redoing my house." 

"Oh, I haven't seen it yet," I said. 

"I'll show you tonight," she said, nodding. And then we were quiet while we both ate. I started to stare out the window again. I wasn't sure if this was the right time to bring up my thoughts about moving. And when I bring it up, do I include her in the plans? Or is that going to come off a little too forward? I didn't get much more time to think about it. 

"Hey, is there something wrong?" she asked. "You look concerned." 

Well, now's the time to do it. "Nothing's wrong. I'm just thinking." Good idea! Nate. Stay vague about it. Maybe she'll let it go. 

"What about?" she prompted, taking another bite of pizza, but not looking away from me. 

Damn it. Best to let it out now. "Well, a while ago, I started to think about where I wanted to end up and I started to think that maybe it's not the city. Does that make sense?" 

She stared at me quizzically for a minute. Then, she wiped her mouth and said, "I think it makes sense." 

"It's just," I said, "I don't know if the city is right anymore. And I thought I could move my mom with me. I feel like she could use getting out of the city." I let it sink in for a second an decided to add that she could come too at the last second. 

She looked up at me surprised. "You mean, move in with you?" 

I shrugged. I couldn't tell if that was a good "You mean, move in with you?" or a skeptical and offended "You mean, move in with you?" I was still trying to feel it out, but realizing I had left the question unanswered for an awkward period of time, I snapped out of it. 

"I guess that's what that would entail, yes." I could tell she wasn't exactly sure what to say. I didn't want to make this awkward. We were just starting to get back to where we used to be. 

I decided to try and switch gears. "It was just a thought. There is not much reality to it actually happening." 

We switched topics after that, but I could tell the thought of us moving, or maybe just me moving, really stuck with her.

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A week passed and I didn't bring up the idea of moving again to Jess. I figured that if I was serious about it, I would have to figure it out on my own and then tell her when it was all planned instead of presenting it to her as a theoretical situation. And like I said to her at Pedro's, until I had the money and an idea of a job I'd be getting wherever I went, there wasn't much weight to the idea of me moving. At least that's what I thought. 

I was walking into work one day when I heard Jack call my name. "Walk with me," he said, catching up to me. 

We walked through the lobby to the elevators together. It been about a week since I had mentioned the idea of moving to him. 

"What's up?" I asked. 

"Remember what you said about relocating?" he asked, a little out of breath from running to catch up to me. I nodded. "Well," he said, "I was talking to my cousin on the phone and he told me that they are looking for a case worker at his law office. He lives in a nice suburban part of town and it would be easy to accommodate your mom. Plus you'd be doing the same job just at a different firm." 

That sounded good to me. "That sounds great, Jack. Do you have any further information?"

"Yeah, I'll email you the link to the firm's websites and some listings in the area." I nodded, feeling like something exciting might be happening. 

"And where did you say this firm was located?" 

He looked at me and said, "Arizona".

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I sat at my laptop back at my apartment and opened the email that Jack had sent me. I know, what the fuck was I thinking? Arizona? That was never going to happen! And even though it seemed like it might work out for me in the end, what about my mom? I had think about her with this decision and I couldn't just go to her apartment and say "Hey, I know you just moved in, but let's move to Arizona, and no you don't get a choice". It wasn't going to be easy. And there was Jess who was already skeptical from what I could tell about moving. I was so lost with what felt like forty thousand different things flying around in my head. I sat back in my chair and took a deep breath. I was heading into uncharted territory by clicking on this link. 

Just then, Mark walked in. I shut my laptop and quickly turned to him. 

"Hey," I said innocently. 

"And what were you doing on the computer that needs to be so secretive?" He gave me an insinuating glance. 

"Mark, I'm not a pervert, don't even think about it." 

He lifted hands up like "I don't want to know" and went into the kitchen. I decided the email could wait. If it was really meant to be, it could wait another day.