Dear Everyone; L.h

six

Dedicated to officialvxc Bc you're right about the 'n' word.

And also dedicated to wxnderlandziam PLS TELL ME U FEED UR BROTHER!!!!??

comment where you live (state or country) to get a dedication (:

By the way I'm so sorry to all of you, the things people say to and around you suck. You shouldn't have to deal with it. Chin up though (: no crowns falling today!!!

Day 20

I feel like a rock in a never ending ocean.
I'm forever sinking, and just when I think I'm about to land on a ledge it just happens to be an obstacle on the way down.

I feel like my lungs have been devoured by water and my body over taken by the darkness of the deepest pits of the ocean, I feel as alone as the smallest rock buried thousands of miles beneath the sand.

I stopped wanting to be happy a while ago and now I just kind of exist. I don't go out, I don't tweet or update the fans. I barely talk to anyone.

It's like I'm already dead.

I never planned to be this way.

I never planned to hate myself.

I never planned to not be okay.

Why can't anything go how I actually plan it to happen.

...

I sat on the edge of the pool, my notebook pressed under my towel.

Liza was taking lessons with a whole bunch of other pregnant woman. I'm not sure how it helps or why but I promised I would go so here I am.

She looked beautiful, her hair was wet and sticking to her forehead and her face was red from the lack of moving for months and just now doing so. It was cute.

I sigh.

I was a lucky man.

Yet here I am feeling so unlucky.

To have a mind like my own is to have a death wish.

Every day gets worse and worse, I've tried absolutely everything.

Pills, therapy, group, reading, and the last thing my therapist recommended, writing.

I've been trying for weeks and still I seem to get worse. Like nothing will ever be better; no matter how I look at it.

I sigh and pull my bare arms to my chest.

I look out over the other men who had come with their girlfriends and wife's and for some, friends.

We were there to help at certain times and so far we have gone unneeded, until now.

The director of the entire thing had called out to us.

"Get in to the pool and grab your lady right under her stomach where the baby will be" she says

Liza looked up at me and grinned widely.

For the first time and weeks I find myself smiling back.

I do as the director says.

Liza turned a little so she could see me from the corner of her eye "I love you" she whispered

I smile softly "I love you too"

Sorry this chapter sucked /.\

I love you guys!!! Don't forget it (:

-kenzi

(Updated in 2019)