Dear Everyone; L.h

fifteen

Thank all of you for your votes and comments! They honestly mean so much to me.

Dedicated to everlark25 because cosplay is cool lol.

So sad that this story is coming to an end soon, cri.

But hey, when this one ends I'll need another sad story to come up with lol.
💕

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I have found myself in and out of the office, waiting for some sort of news that it was finally okay for me to leave, it's been  forty days, six hours and thirty two seconds and still not a word.
I'm beginning to lose hope, maybe Liza is better off without me, maybe everyone's better off without me and even the counselors know it.

Maybe I tricked myself into false hope, as if I took a placebo and instead of it being a sugar pill it was happiness, hope, optimism.
I feel the ache returning to my chest, and the lonely feeling resting in the pit of my stomach- only there to remind me that I am not good enough, and I never will be.

What will help me?
Is there anything I can do to end this torment?

Something that won't hurt everyone I've ever loved?

Maybe not, maybe this was my only option.

I'm sorry.

- Luke

I hold the book between my hands, my tear glazed eyes reading over each and every word, taking them in carefully.
Did I mean what I had said?
Was I finally done with this? With myself? With everything?

I close the journal and let it rest on the top of my bed for the first time since I started writing in it, because now I don't care if anyone were to read it. I wouldn't be here when they did.

I couldn't exactly pin point where everything started to go wrong, or what made me this way.
Of course I've spent years blaming it on myself as if I was the cause of everything bad in this world, but I'm not dumb, I know that isn't exactly true.
I didn't cause cancer, but I did nothing to help those who have it.
I didn't cause homelessness, but I've done nothing to solve the problem.
I didn't do a lot of things, but I also did nothing to help any of the causes.

I've been too focused on my own problems, so self absorbed.
Maybe I am the product of my own minds creation, maybe I am nothing but a spec of flesh floating throughout space without any purpose.

Maybe, it wouldn't matter if I was gone.

And that's when everything hit me.

It wouldn't matter.

Dear everyone,

I know how much this might hurt all of you, and for that I am sorry. I am forever grateful to all of you, those who have loved me through all of the pain and through all of the falls and burns. Thank all of you for never giving up on me when it was obvious I had given up on myself a long time ago. I love each and every one of you, but I think you all know that maybe living just wasn't for me. I was destined to die, from the moment I was born- but really, aren't we all? I don't feel deserving of this life that was handed to me, I do not deserve this privilege I have not worked for. I do not deserve what I have been given, the gratification, the awards, the fans. Of course I appreciate it all, I'd be stupid not to. But it isn't for me, it shouldn't be for me. But again, I thank all of you.

I would like to thank my babygirl,
What a sweet angel you are. You are the light at the end of the tunnel my dear, your eyes will glaze over with beauty and your soul will be saturated with that of pure greatness. Never ever feel like your father didn't love you, I have never loved anything more. And as you grow, my little peanut, know that you are worth more than a million starts. You are, that of beauty. And I love you.

Liza,
I know that I have not been great, I know that I will never be able to give you what you deserve and I hope that one day you will find it, I hope that you grasp it between your hands and hold it so tight it's certain to never get away. You are my everything, when I had nothing, no hope, no motivation you were always there. You didn't care about my scars or the weird things I would do when I was up, late at night.
You accepted the sadness as if it were your own and for that I am sorry, you do not deserve to be a home for the sadness I carry. You deserve to be happy, happier than I've ever made you.
I love you, and I will love you forever.
Till' we meet again.

The boys,

I have no words to explain to all of you what exactly you've done for me within the short years that we've known each other. We conquered the world guys, we followed our dreams and we made it, we fucking made it. It's crazy to think about, but don't you ever forget where you came from. The cracked streets and small corner stores, the late night songs all crowed next to a dimly lit fire. The up all nights, and the not enough sleeps, the "I'm too drunks" and the "this shirt smells good enough" do not forget your roots.

And please, try to forget about me. Follow the rest of the journey you three deserve to follow, leave me behind and sprout into the band I know you guys can.

I love you boys to death, forever and always.

-Luke

And that's it guys, sorry it's been like forever. If I'm completely honest I deleted the app and completely forgot about it. But I'm back now and I'm going to write more stories and hopefully they're better than this one and obviously my other ones too. Because it's kind of obvious that these had horrible plots and horrible grammar/ spelling. But don't worry I'm a lot better now and I'm going to try my best to give you guys exactly that, the best. So don't worry your cute lil heads.

It's sad that this story has come to an inevitable end, but I will be writing a new, sad story very soon.

I love you all.

Comment here some things that you guys might what to see from me/ who / what the stories should be about ((::

- kenzi

(Edited in 2019)