Dear Everyone; L.h

Twelve

I'm sorry that I haven't updated in like two months lol oops.

But I'm back now and I'm going to try and update as much as I can.

Dedicated to pleasureables for the beautiful name

Comment here what your favorite chapter is so far and why for a dedication

💞

The last few weeks have been exhausting.

I have been re-living the same routine every day for the past three and a half weeks.

Wake up.
Show up.
Eat.
Take pills.
Nap.
Talk to one of three therapists.
Eat a snack.
Group.
Eat again.
Shower.
Eat another snack.
Take more pills
Sleep.

I feel like I'm a zombie, my limbs going numb and turning into nothing but bone and shriveled pieces of hair and fingernails.

I have to force myself up out of bed and to the cafeteria everyday now, like it's a task. I remember a time when I enjoyed eating almost as if it were a hobby.

I would beg for Mike or Ash or whoever was closest at the time to drive me to the closest food chain restaurant there was, and of course they'd say yes.

I had the best puppy face of all.

That is until I stopped eating properly and my face began sinking in on itself.

Someday I fear that's what's going to happen to my entire being, not just my body but who I am.

My emotions, my personality, the moments that make me who I am. I feel that one day everything's just going to collide and crash in on itself and I don't know if I should do anything to stop it.

I don't even know if I want to.

Until next time

-Luke

..

I don't even bother closing the journal, or even hiding it for that matter. I simply toss it on my unmade bed and look up as Kaleb walks into the room, boxers hanging low at his hips and a letter between his big muscular hands.

He was making a thinking face as if he were truly concentrated on whatever it was he was reading, and then he let out a low laugh.

It sounded more like a rumble than a laugh, like it were coming up from the pits of his stomach and hurling itself out through his mouth.

And then he looked at me "can you fucking believe this shit?"

He says, but it comes out more as "can youuu fookin believe thus shite"

I almost laugh, almost.

I give him a quizzed stare and shrug.

I don't even really care that much about what he was talking about, but whatever it was it really seemed to tick him off so when he offered the letter to me I took it from his hands and quickly read.

Dear Kaleb,

I don't think this is the right time to say anything, seeing as though you're kind of all tied up.

(Get it cause of a straitjacket?)
Sorry I'm kind of nervous.

But I think that maybe its time you come out, you seemed a lot happier the last time we spoke.

Hopefully I'm not wrong.

Call me soon.

I love you.

-Greg

I eyed the last part, surprised to see it was a male that had sent him the letter.

Ignoring his sexual preference I put the letter back into his hand and shrug, even though I had lots of questions to ask.

I knew he didn't want to hear any of them, he definitely did not want to answer any of them.

And so while he complained, I listened. Although I didn't get what he was complaining about.

Liza hasn't even called me, not even so much as a letter.

I missed her so much, I wonder how big her belly has gotten and if she's picked out a name yet.

I sigh and look down at my dry hands. It saddens me to know that I have missed out on so much already.

What if I'm in here so long I never even see her hit 3 years old? I ask myself questions and worry about the answers.

I don't even notice that I begin to cry and that Kaleb has shuffled his way to where I was and put his arm around my shoulder.

This makes me cry harder and I end up hoping, wishing that I was dead.

Nothing I ever do turns out right. No matter how hard I try for everyone else no one ever tries on me.

The only person I've spoken to since I've been here is Ashton and he wont even mention Liza or the baby and it's starting to kill me.

I feel like I'm rotting and I don't even know if I care anymore.

Sorry that this chapter is so short. I hope you guys like it either way.

Give it a vote and a comment and I'll update as soon as I can 💕💕💕
(Edited in 2019)