Dear Everyone; L.h

Thirteen

I know I only updated this yesterday and haven't given the last chapter enough time to even develop votes or comments, but I feel like writing so here I am!

Comment here what color of eyes you have for a dedication 👽✌

'Today is a new day"

Our group therapists keeps insisting that we say this everytime group starts and to be quite frank I'm not sure if I should laugh until I throw up or fall to the ground and cry until every drop of water in my body drowns everyone else in the room.

Kaleb met with Greg yesterday and is now planning on leaving within the next week or two.

I don't want to seem selfish, but I don't want him to leave, I don't want him to get better.

Why the hell can't I be the one getting out of here? More importantly how could he leave me here alone?

I understand that I shouldn't be upset that he's better, I should be congratulating him! But I just can't bring myself to do it.

Today is a new day.

hopefully tomorrow there wont be a day for me to come back to.

I have to go now, My one on one therapist-june, is ready to see me and she doesn't like when I carry my journal around with me.

Until next time,
Luke.

I close my eyes, trying my best to ignore the heat rising in my chest, it feels like my body is undergoing it's own version of a hurricane and I can't tell if I want it to wipe everything out or to stop completely.

"Luke?" I snap out of my thoughts and turn my attention to June who had opened her office door and peered out into the waiting room where I had been sitting.

I raise my eyebrows

"Are you ready to come back and talk?"

I think she means "are you ready to come back to be evaluated and put on more experimental drugs that may or may not help you"

When I'm in her office I take notice of the smell of fresh roses, they reminded me of Liza which made me sad.

June crossed her legs over each other and offered me a smile so fake it almost hurt. Almost.

She stared at me for a second before nodding and looking down at her notebook that had been resting in her lap along with a black pen that had been chewed in the middle, I cringe.

She clicks it open and writes down my name and which session we were in, this was our fourth session this month and still I had failed to find one way this lady was helping me in the slightest.

The room is silent while she writes down information about me that she has probably memorized by now.

When she's done she sets her pen down on her desk and looks up at me.

"How have you been feelin' " she asks me, scanning my face for emotion.

I showed her none and answered "I feel great"

"Is that so?" I nod.

She purses her lips before writing something down.

"Have you thought about what I told you a few days ago?"

"You can't go through life dwelling on what has happened to you, it's easier to move forward with a heavy heart than to let it drag you down"

Of course I didn't think about it. It didn't make any sense to me.

She assumes that I've had a bad childhood when really it was quite the opposite.

I had great friends, great family, and I was loved by many. I had nothing to ever be sad about and I never was.

Until randomly one day I felt like dying and I didn't know why.

I started thinking about death and the many ways to die and how to go about doing it, I've even tried once or twice.

I don't tell any of this to June though, and instead listen to her talk until our session is over and I can leave.

Sorry it's so short!!! Its three am lol and I'm tired.

(Edited in 2019)