Schizoaffective | Luna (AustinFFA)

{ 2. Are You Stuck Inside A World You Hate? }

Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

"Robyn, you need to go to school today sweetie" my mom walks into my room in the morning, stepping over my lifeless body like she does every single day, except today she pulls up my blinds.

I flinch and cover my eyes, that are now burning from the sudden contact with sunlight. I sit up and let out a small yawn.

"Go shower and get dressed...I know that you're not ready to go back yet but you have to...I'm sorry" she frowns, kissing my forehead, and goes out of my room to prepare my breakfast that I'm not even going to eat.

I trudge to the bathroom and go to shower. I put on cold water and step in. Nobody in their right mind would choose to shower in freezing water, especially when they have the availability to warm, but I'm clearly not sane. 

After drying myself I slip on some black leggings and a dark gray, baggy sweater.

I look at myself in the mirror. Messy hair, check. Bags under eyes, check. Robyn looking like shit, check. Great, I'm ready to go.

I slip on my beat up Vans and walk downstairs to meet my mom in the kitchen. She places a plate of pancakes in front of me, and I mush it around so it looks like I ate something. This happens all the time and I'm not sure if my mother didn't catch on or just doesn't want to say anything. 

And just like every day that I'm forced to go to school, my mom drives me there, in an uncomfortable silence.

"Have a great day at school baby," she says as I get out of the passenger seat. I just give her a little wave and make my way towards the school. 

I walk in the hallway, all eyes on me. I can hear everyone whispering about me, but when they see me they just send me smiles. Stupid, fucking fake smiles. 

I see Willow with Ariane, observing me quietly as I go to my locker. I try to remember my combination but nothing comes to mind. It feels like I forgot every single number that exists.

"06-08-30" I heard someone say behind me. 

I turn around to come face-to-face with no other person but Austin.

I try to question why he knows my combination but, yet again, no words come out.

"I helped you last time, remember?" he chuckled quietly and I just nodded, even though I didn't actually remember.

He opened my locker for me and helped me get my books.

"Thanks..." I manage to speak.

He sends me a smile and goes to the girls who immediately start talking to him. I sigh and walk to my first-period class which happens to be English.

The worst part about dealing with an illness that sometimes makes it impossible for you to go to school is the pity stares and the "everything will be okay"s,  because I hate pity and nothing will ever be okay.

I just hate bullshit, I hate this school, and most of all, I hate this world.