Schizoaffective | Luna (AustinFFA)

{ 9. Can I Erase The Past And Just Move On From Here}

All I see as I look outside my window
The world's moving faster without me
Slowly sinking into my bed
Maybe it's just all in my head
Can I erase the past and just move on from here

"Your mom is an amazing cook" Austin says, collapsing on my unmade bed.

I lay down next to him and nod in agreement. His hand creeps up to mine and our fingers interlock. I glance at him but he's staring at the covered window.

"Why don't you ever let any light in?" he asked me, his attention now on my pale face.

I shrug soflty but make my way to the window, pulling up the blinds and letting some sunshine in. It was the end of winter, but the sun gave a warm feel fto it as it lit up the white wonderland outside. 

I never realized how fast everything changes. It seemed like it was only months since it was the summer of 2013, when my friends still begged me to go to the beach with them, causing me to make up some lame excuse so I wouldn't have to face them. It seemed like it was only months since I was a normal teen girl, when in reality, it has been years. Longer than I can remember.   

I lay back down on the bed, wrapping myself in his arms. Maybe it's time to try harder. To face my fears and not listen to the voices in my head who speak to me all the time, telling me I'm not good enough...or stupid...or ugly...a mistake. 

Can't I just erase the bad memories? Or keep them locked away? 

It's time to try to take back my life. I look up at Austin and he send me a smile. I take a deep breath. The words that escape my lips are something you would never hear me say.

"Can we go outside?"